I got a lot done on Tuesday and got a nap in so, all in all, that was not so bad. Went to bed somewhat early last night. Jay was being cranky and snappish, the bed was the safest option. I knocked out really easy considering, but then again I was still super tired so.
Since it has gotten really cold at night we let our two outside cats come in at night. For some weird reason my daughter's haughty cat decided she had to cuddle with me on the bed. It was odd since this cat normally has nothing to do with me at all. Plus my kitten always sleeps with me. I never would have guessed that when I was in my 30's I would be sharing a bed with a couple cats and the husband. Then, for the first time since I woke up, Jonah had a nightmare and got on my bed. Now I have a king size bed, it is really big, and should in theory be big enough for a couple cats, a kid, Jay and I. It was to an extent, the cats went to their separate corners, curled up and went to sleep. Jonah had to be under me all night. Hence today by back is screaming at me, I am in total knots from shoulders down to hips.
I am still annoyed that my router is going out, it works when it wants to and that bugs the snot out of me. I also found myself being annoyed with the children big time yesterday. I am chalking it up to I did not and do not feel well, but for some reason yesterday Jonah had to bump and touch or coincidentally hit me all day long. He never did it out of meanness but it hurt all the same. I think the one thing I hate above all else with Fibromyalgia is some days I can not be touched. What I mean is, yes it is ok to hug me but I have to know in advance so that I can steel myself for the reaction my body will have. Said reaction will be severely worse if it is unexpected. On the really bad days I have found that it is not a good idea to go around others, since I was such a friendly person, everyone knows me and sometimes they reach out to touch me, say on a shoulder or what ever, and that unexpected contact can rock me to the very core. It makes me angry and sad. I hate this, and I am praying, hoping that I will find a way to cope better. The older kids understand, and I have found myself reacting subconsciously to possibility of being hurt.. I will tense when ever anyone gets close to me..... or flinch. Trust me this is NO way to live. *shakes head*
So here we are at WEEEeee Wednesday. There are somethings that I want to get done, somethings I have to get done and somethings that will never get done. Yay, let's hear it for Wednesday. I am not in a bad mood, even considering the rough night I had :) so I am ready to rock this day and I am sure it will get better and better.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
So it begins...
Tuesday. I am trying to think of something positive I want to say about today and I am drawing a blank.
I have gotten a lot of what Jay calls the "must see" movies some of which I like a lot some of which I wish I had not watched at all. Jay tells me I loved gore and violence but *shakes head* I can't seem to stand it now. I watched Resident Evil parts 1 and 2 last night. Since we don't run the kids out till late I did not start it till late, so it did not finish till late, and this was a mistake. Like I needed any fuel added to my nightmares. What horrible images to have in your head! Just nasty! I spent most of the night walking the floor. I don't know, maybe I had become immune to seeing such things, maybe they did not bother me a month or so ago, but they really did last night. So, new rule no more horror movies at night, which will mean no more ever pretty much since the kids are always in here. Sunday night I watched the "Tyler Perry" Madea movies and those were nice, a decent blend of drama and comedy with a happy ending.. that is a kind of movie I can deal with.
I started getting sick Sunday but I guess I was not aware of it, yesterday was the whole coughing, fever, sinus issues. Today is pretty much the same and I feel horrible. I was around the kids Thanksgiving, and 4 of the 10 were sick, one of that four sat on the couch and cuddled with me for over an hour. I loved cuddling with her, since she is just so freaking enchanting and cute, but I feel like my immune system is shot.
I also have been dealing with a feeling of abandonment, which I know makes no sense. Jay was super sweet caring, supportive, so on and so forth at first but now.... We had a horrible argument Friday afternoon and we made a gulf between us. With him being a man, I have my doubts that he will even notice, but I do know and I hate this feeling. He does not call me like he used to, he does not wake me in the mornings anymore, he does not want to hold me. I ask him if he was angry at me or just did not love me anymore, his reply was I am busy, I love you a lot but I am to busy right now. Well, Ok but what about when you come in and get right on your computer ... what then? I have all the words in me I could say to him but last time I tried I felt like I was wasting my breathe, and time so ... *sniffles* I think all things are much worse when you are sick.
So today holds more catch up on the laundry, school work, and hopefully some more rest. I walked the floor till after 4 am and I have to take something for this dang running nose, sore throat issue. I am just ill today.
I have gotten a lot of what Jay calls the "must see" movies some of which I like a lot some of which I wish I had not watched at all. Jay tells me I loved gore and violence but *shakes head* I can't seem to stand it now. I watched Resident Evil parts 1 and 2 last night. Since we don't run the kids out till late I did not start it till late, so it did not finish till late, and this was a mistake. Like I needed any fuel added to my nightmares. What horrible images to have in your head! Just nasty! I spent most of the night walking the floor. I don't know, maybe I had become immune to seeing such things, maybe they did not bother me a month or so ago, but they really did last night. So, new rule no more horror movies at night, which will mean no more ever pretty much since the kids are always in here. Sunday night I watched the "Tyler Perry" Madea movies and those were nice, a decent blend of drama and comedy with a happy ending.. that is a kind of movie I can deal with.
I started getting sick Sunday but I guess I was not aware of it, yesterday was the whole coughing, fever, sinus issues. Today is pretty much the same and I feel horrible. I was around the kids Thanksgiving, and 4 of the 10 were sick, one of that four sat on the couch and cuddled with me for over an hour. I loved cuddling with her, since she is just so freaking enchanting and cute, but I feel like my immune system is shot.
I also have been dealing with a feeling of abandonment, which I know makes no sense. Jay was super sweet caring, supportive, so on and so forth at first but now.... We had a horrible argument Friday afternoon and we made a gulf between us. With him being a man, I have my doubts that he will even notice, but I do know and I hate this feeling. He does not call me like he used to, he does not wake me in the mornings anymore, he does not want to hold me. I ask him if he was angry at me or just did not love me anymore, his reply was I am busy, I love you a lot but I am to busy right now. Well, Ok but what about when you come in and get right on your computer ... what then? I have all the words in me I could say to him but last time I tried I felt like I was wasting my breathe, and time so ... *sniffles* I think all things are much worse when you are sick.
So today holds more catch up on the laundry, school work, and hopefully some more rest. I walked the floor till after 4 am and I have to take something for this dang running nose, sore throat issue. I am just ill today.
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