So here we are again half way between I care and I could not give a rat's ass about anything.
I get annoyed when unannounced visitors show up at my house during the day. I turn the ringer off on the phone for a reason. Let me explain. On of the many perks of homeschooling my children is that we have no schedule that has to be stuck to with iron clad rules..... That meaning we can do school work in our pj's or we can start at 8 am, or with mornings like this morning we did not get started till after 11 am. We have really busy weeks that we totally kick it out and get all we need to get done, done. Then there are days when I know we will get nothing done so we do nothing. I hate it when my family shows up tho! It is just a big interruption to our day. I have to stop what I am working on, the kids get stopped, then it takes up to 30 minutes to get them redirected... pisses me off. I don't think it is to hard to understand that I don't want to be bothered till after 5 everyday. I must not be speaking American English any more .... I wonder if I switch to Bitch English will I be heard loud and clear then????? *sigh*
So, moving on, my little baby dogs are a week old today and I am so in love! Jay told me I could keep the female, which the kids have started calling Bella, it fits. I have been with Jill (Mother dog) every step of the way and I am so relieved that I will be with Bella forever. When I thought I had to give them both up *both puppies* my heart broke. The day after they were born I had a picture of a chihuahua running through my head, of course I don't remember having a dog but I did and I loved this dog to pieces. So I am glad to have a new love. Don't get me wrong I love the little male pup too but he has a forever home to go to when he is old enough so ... I am a bit more reserved I think.
Now.... Nightmares! OMG, they have been so bad the last couple weeks. I have worked myself into falling down before I went to bed more days than not just to see if I could out run the nightmares, only to find I still get chased around the clock and wake around 3am covered in a cold sweat, trembling. This morning I had just barely come out of one where my 13yr old daughter was raped and refused to tell me who it was so that I could kill the bastard. Then her dog when nuts in her room... Now, Angel dog (Jami's puppy of 8 months) only barks like crazy when some one is here... I spring up from bed and ran through the house to Jami's room in less than 2 second. I was in full on Kick Ass, Protective Mother, Don't You Dare Touch My Kid mode. Only to find all was well .... I get Jami calmed down, Angel calmed down, the boys back to bed, be-still my pounding heart and step out side to sit a moment and smoke. Then I heard it, we have cats in our neighborhood, one is in heat, and they decided that the best place in the world to mate was under Jami's window. If you have ever heard a cat mating then you know they are LOUD, well, this scared Angel which made her bark like crazy and set off the chain of events described above.
I remember the nightmare with Jami in it which is odd since it was so horrible, and it is the first I have a dream with one of the kids in it. Most of the time I wake terrified and covered in sweat only to find when my eyes open and I set bolt straight in my bed I can only catch a fleeting glimpse of what the dream was. I only get vague impressions, just enough to know I was scared but it was only a dream. I hate that! I have had to deal with bad dreams since I woke in October. Some weeks are better some, like the last couple, are much worse. It has me asking today if it will ever get better and we can go back to the garden variety boogie man ones.... I don't think I liked those better but it is so much easier to dismiss a zombie as a nightmare than a memory that you don't remember that keeps trying to grab you.
Here we go again, let's take our hats off to Monday. Let's see if we can have us a grand week with no drama, no muss, no fuss....
Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dogs. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2012
Monday, December 26, 2011
The Day After...
It is the day after Christmas, let's see where we are.
UGH! all 3 kids are sick with colds, and they shared! ugh ugh ugh! The lasagna went off with out a hitch, it was perfect. The kids loved their gifts, Jay was happy with his presents, and I was happy with mine. Jesse also had his very first sleep over and they did an "awake-a-thon" in which my niece A kicked his butt by almost 3 am, *laughs softly* I remember those days. Hide and Seek with Angel at midnight, when they were too scared to go outside but I was raised with the Hunting Freak and had no hang-ups about being outside in the dark at all.... I think that was a life-time ago now.
Let's see Jay and I had words Christmas eve over the dogs, and we have a new agreement, plus Jami has a new set of rules for them. None of our pets are inside except the ones that stay in tanks, the dogs, and the ninja kitty. So, yeah OKAY I get it, she needs better control of her dogs, and she has one month to get it into shape, with my help she will make it. Jay can threaten all he likes, personally I don't think I would miss the dogs to much but they are Jami's joy so, I can't allow him to upset my kid like that. Long as he NEVER threatens the Ninja Kitty we are all good. Well, I say that, the weird thing is that Jami's cat "Princess" had decided that she wants to be mine now too. I never saw myself as a "cat-person" but I guess this is cool. All in, except the fact that, Princess and Benny are NOTHING LIKE! Princess is more vocal and wants to be on your lap to be loved on (only with me, everyone else she runs from). Benny just wants to be by you but not touched by you unless he comes to your hand, and if you touch him he is likely to attack what ever you touched him with, funny as hell when it is Jay or the kids getting attacked. Like they don't know the rules, which they do, they just ignore them... Funny! We do have another cat, a big FAT orange fluffy thing Jesse calls "Garfield". He is the definition of an ally cat. He comes home only to eat and hangs out then leaves again, sometimes for weeks at the time. That one is all Jesse's. So Jay can threaten the dogs, hell the fish too for all I care but the cats are not to be touched! Putting my little foot down here with a "try me" dare tossed over my shoulder.
Yesterday was spent with the loving Mother in law.... and for me it was weird. She went out of her way and stepped on my toes on more than one occasion, and kept repeating things that were just depressing. I ask Jay if she was searching for a reaction and was unhappy with mine... His answer was that if I had remembered I would be more compassionate. While this may be true it does not change the fact that I don't remember and therefore don't care, the truth can suck at times but it is all I have left to deal with. On that front, with her at least, I am giving all I can, plus sorry but I don't care to give more even if I could.
I have finally gotten to the place that I am not upset when I get ask things I don't remember... except if you ask me more than one time on different things. Like, for instance, I have the most precious black boots, they are freaking darling! When ask where do you got them I always answer "well, I can tell you I have had them more than 2 months ." Then I laugh, it is humorous now to me, but when I told her that she then decided to bring out pictures ummmm if I don't remember where I got the boots I will not remember anything recent...is it that hard to get? Time, people, places, events are all GONE! I am not sure if they will ever come back. A month ago that would have really upset me but now it is just ... how it is. So she goes: "This person goes to your church"... "Great Barbara, since I don't know who goes to my church"......."Where did you get your glasses I think they need to be adjusted so they don't slip down your nose".... *deep breath* "I don't know where they came from Barbara ask your son" and so forth. Talk about pushing my buttons.
OH, and I personally think my sister in law (Jay's sister) is a snob. From what I gather he and she got into a disagreement and this was the first time they talked in over 6 months.. WTH!?!?! maybe that works for them but there is no way under the stars I would be that nice to my siblings. Of course I could not go 6 months and not talk to one of my siblings. I am the ring leader whether or not any one likes it. They might get 6 weeks out of me then I would call or show up and settle it. I just don't get it with those 2. The really baffling part is that there are only 2 of them... Just for me it is a WOW! really?!?! I guess it can be somewhat, loosely, explained by the fact that my family adopted Jay and now he has me and 3 siblings to call his. I don't know how Jackie is with her husbands family. So to say the least that was an interesting experience.
I have also found that this is my place to make it all about me with zero guilt. That is good in the fact that there is NO WHERE else that it is all about me. I guess my old way was to turn it back to all about who ever it needed to be about and not me but... I have found the hard way that sometimes, damnit, it needs to be all about me. This is the place that it can be all about me and that is a good thing.
So we are done with Christmas and I think I am ready for the new year with all its ups and down.
UGH! all 3 kids are sick with colds, and they shared! ugh ugh ugh! The lasagna went off with out a hitch, it was perfect. The kids loved their gifts, Jay was happy with his presents, and I was happy with mine. Jesse also had his very first sleep over and they did an "awake-a-thon" in which my niece A kicked his butt by almost 3 am, *laughs softly* I remember those days. Hide and Seek with Angel at midnight, when they were too scared to go outside but I was raised with the Hunting Freak and had no hang-ups about being outside in the dark at all.... I think that was a life-time ago now.
Let's see Jay and I had words Christmas eve over the dogs, and we have a new agreement, plus Jami has a new set of rules for them. None of our pets are inside except the ones that stay in tanks, the dogs, and the ninja kitty. So, yeah OKAY I get it, she needs better control of her dogs, and she has one month to get it into shape, with my help she will make it. Jay can threaten all he likes, personally I don't think I would miss the dogs to much but they are Jami's joy so, I can't allow him to upset my kid like that. Long as he NEVER threatens the Ninja Kitty we are all good. Well, I say that, the weird thing is that Jami's cat "Princess" had decided that she wants to be mine now too. I never saw myself as a "cat-person" but I guess this is cool. All in, except the fact that, Princess and Benny are NOTHING LIKE! Princess is more vocal and wants to be on your lap to be loved on (only with me, everyone else she runs from). Benny just wants to be by you but not touched by you unless he comes to your hand, and if you touch him he is likely to attack what ever you touched him with, funny as hell when it is Jay or the kids getting attacked. Like they don't know the rules, which they do, they just ignore them... Funny! We do have another cat, a big FAT orange fluffy thing Jesse calls "Garfield". He is the definition of an ally cat. He comes home only to eat and hangs out then leaves again, sometimes for weeks at the time. That one is all Jesse's. So Jay can threaten the dogs, hell the fish too for all I care but the cats are not to be touched! Putting my little foot down here with a "try me" dare tossed over my shoulder.
Yesterday was spent with the loving Mother in law.... and for me it was weird. She went out of her way and stepped on my toes on more than one occasion, and kept repeating things that were just depressing. I ask Jay if she was searching for a reaction and was unhappy with mine... His answer was that if I had remembered I would be more compassionate. While this may be true it does not change the fact that I don't remember and therefore don't care, the truth can suck at times but it is all I have left to deal with. On that front, with her at least, I am giving all I can, plus sorry but I don't care to give more even if I could.
I have finally gotten to the place that I am not upset when I get ask things I don't remember... except if you ask me more than one time on different things. Like, for instance, I have the most precious black boots, they are freaking darling! When ask where do you got them I always answer "well, I can tell you I have had them more than 2 months ." Then I laugh, it is humorous now to me, but when I told her that she then decided to bring out pictures ummmm if I don't remember where I got the boots I will not remember anything recent...is it that hard to get? Time, people, places, events are all GONE! I am not sure if they will ever come back. A month ago that would have really upset me but now it is just ... how it is. So she goes: "This person goes to your church"... "Great Barbara, since I don't know who goes to my church"......."Where did you get your glasses I think they need to be adjusted so they don't slip down your nose".... *deep breath* "I don't know where they came from Barbara ask your son" and so forth. Talk about pushing my buttons.
OH, and I personally think my sister in law (Jay's sister) is a snob. From what I gather he and she got into a disagreement and this was the first time they talked in over 6 months.. WTH!?!?! maybe that works for them but there is no way under the stars I would be that nice to my siblings. Of course I could not go 6 months and not talk to one of my siblings. I am the ring leader whether or not any one likes it. They might get 6 weeks out of me then I would call or show up and settle it. I just don't get it with those 2. The really baffling part is that there are only 2 of them... Just for me it is a WOW! really?!?! I guess it can be somewhat, loosely, explained by the fact that my family adopted Jay and now he has me and 3 siblings to call his. I don't know how Jackie is with her husbands family. So to say the least that was an interesting experience.
I have also found that this is my place to make it all about me with zero guilt. That is good in the fact that there is NO WHERE else that it is all about me. I guess my old way was to turn it back to all about who ever it needed to be about and not me but... I have found the hard way that sometimes, damnit, it needs to be all about me. This is the place that it can be all about me and that is a good thing.
So we are done with Christmas and I think I am ready for the new year with all its ups and down.
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