It will be worth it in the end...

Here we are again .... 
 Baby update: we moved my due date up by about a week to November 18th since I was measuring big. I have not put any stock in the due date anyway the baby will come when he/she is ready to be here. The heart beat was great yesterday, was funny the midwife had to chase the baby around my tummy to get a heart beat since the baby was busy moving. 
 I took Jami with me since she wanted to hear the heart beat, I think once she heard it for some reason this baby became more real to her. Well, that and since her bomb shell last week about "Mom you will love the new baby more than us" and I think she now knows that I could NOT love the new baby more than I love her, Jess, and Jonah.
 We go in 5 weeks to have an ultrasound to make sure our little one is growing ok, and I am sure there will be no problems. Plus we can find out what our little one's gender is, long as the baby will play nice with us for a moment and let us see the goods :). We, my friends, family, and I, are all excited, can't wait to know!
 On to the dental work.... *sigh* I will say it again, this is not the worse thing I have ever done to me but it is not a cake walk either. I have to keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end. I am having a full denture done for up top and more than likely a partial done for the bottom. So, all the top teeth , which were in horrible shape to begin with, have to be pulled. We did 3 yesterday. I have had a total of 8 done, but 3 of which was on the bottom (a wisdom tooth that was impacted which broke the jaw tooth in front of it, plus another broken jaw tooth). Yesterday was not to bad compared to the wisdom tooth, but I had to have a couple stitches as well.... and that is just weird. 
  Plus there was a new receptionist there that I did not know, and she was fussing about me double stacking my apt's up (which I will never do again, that is just to much running and stuff for one day on me and baby) and not listening to me. It is REALLY hard to speak with in the first couple hours after having a set of teeth pulled. I was trying to explain to her that I needed to come back in a week to have the stitches removed but she set the next time up for 2 weeks. My face was to numb and I was to frustrated to keep going around with her so I came home to deal with it later. I will call later today and double check since all the stitches I have ever had to deal with had to come out with in 7 to 10 days and not 14.
  I do  alright for the most part as long as I remember to keep my pain meds in my system, but late at night is the worse since you fall asleep and they run out. Then you wake up in pain and alone, just sad. When ever you have something like this done, something Big and what in the end will be life changing, you take a hit in the mean time to your self esteem. That is where I am at now. My smile was fucked before but now with most of the top teeth missing I so don't want to face anyone till this is all done. I have to keep telling myself  it will all be worth it in the end! And it will, God please, A new perfect smile and a new perfect baby to love on.  
 Last but not least.... I got home with my face beginning to wake up, exhausted, not brave enough to go to the pharmacy, frustrated since I could not reach Jay, and just out and out whooped. I could not get on my favorite social site and let everyone know at one time what the doctor said about baby since I have my very on drama llama that will copy my every statement. Major annoyance. My best friend tells me they understand but still ya know.. errr ... lol. Again I think it is only really a bugging factor when I am tired and hurting. Since my nearest and dearest know how my llama is they understand. 
 So this is how we end what has been a long week. Tomorrow is Friday, and I am ready to see the weekend :)

Icky Summer Cold, and heart broken...

What I thought was just an allergy attack brought on by the cats at mom's, and congestion from to much crying over the last couple days had shown itself to be a full blown cold .... UGH!
 The whole coughing, sneezing, sniffling which just so you know crying only makes worse...
 I feel so bad just in general with a fever and so forth blah blah blah cold stuff, but when I have a coughing fit the poor little darling inside me does cartwheels, I swear the poor thing screams "earth quake! grab your umbilical cord and toes!" I mean I love to feel the baby moving but I worry that I am scaring my darling child half to death with the coughing... funny right? or maybe not.
 My heart is still hurting with my sister of the heart but I know that there are no words of comfort right now. I know that there is nothing I can do to make it better or fix it much as I would love to make it better or fix it. If there was a way to do either of those things I would in a heartbeat... *sigh* Sucks for sure...  
 I did buy her a small peace lily since I know how much her father loved his plants and I pray as this one grows her pain will ease. When her head stops spinning and I feel better I will take it to her. 
 So this is the start of a new week and the weather man swears for rain, which to quote a wife's tell from my mom's side of the family if it rains within 3 days of some one dying that means they made it to heaven... to me, for me that is a comfort. Today I will take all the comforting thoughts I can get :) On that note it is a movie, warm tea kinda of day... till next time...

Amazing yet.. disgusting... and heartbreaking...

Let's be frank here... being pregnant is amazing yet at the same time it brings some disgusting things with it.
 You grow a baby inside of you and that is just WOW! but then you get sick and in my case throw up every night for the first few months.           
   You begin to feel the first flutters of movement and you hold your breathe from one time till the next just to feel that flutter... but you also lose your figure, your clothes no longer fit. At first you get, from people that know you well (hopefully) fat comments, then it suddenly becomes "when is the baby due?" and that thrills your heart to no end.
 Your emotions go hay wire from I'm so happy one minute, to I am just going to sit and cry over NOTHING the next. Then you worry even when you should not, even when you say to yourself you will not. The thing is I can protect and prevent a lot of bad things for my children that are here already but there is not to much I can do if something goes wrong with the one that I am trying to get here... and that in and of itself can be nerve racking.
 Ok so we are moving along with this baby and I am not expecting any big problems, I just can't wait for him/her to get here so we can all hold him/her.


 On to another heartbreaking note.... My sister of the heart's father is dying. We have known for months now that he was sick, lung cancer and so forth. We tell ourselves we are ready, and that when the time comes we can be strong and brave. We indeed may manage that to a degree but still our hearts argue the why of it all (at least mine does). I grew up with this man, I have known him since I was 6 yrs old... and my heart is breaking for my sister .... there are no sage words, and no comfort when the death watch, wait game comes knocking. We get to the point we stop praying "God make them all better keep them with us" and we go to "God, grant them peace." We move on to "God comfort the family." We may not find acceptance in our hearts right away but we stop raging against nature and what must eventually be. 
 So that is where we are .... I am waiting for the call and praying for closure for the family.  

Growing a baby is hard work.....Bed-rest Sucks!

Let us back up a bit, Thursday night late I noticed a little big of blood when I wiped, I had a pretty bad backache and mild tummy cramps that were coming then going. Friday morning, still a tiny amount of blood and the cramps that come and went... sooooooooooo I called my nurse just to see if I should worry, she said probably not but go to the hospital and get checked just in case. I was not extremely concerned since I was still feeling the baby move, there was not a lot of blood and the cramps were not bad really. But still I needed to have a doctor tell me my cervix was not dilating and so forth.

 Spent 2 and 1/2 hours at the hospital, had one bad moment when the nurse could not find the baby's heartbeat right away but she explained that when the baby is only about 5 inches long depending on how they are laying it can take a couple minutes, but thank God! she found my little darling's heartbeat. So long story short I over did it Wednesday and Thursday and my uterus is cranky. The fix for this bed-rest for the next 4 or 5 days and when I do return to normal things do it slowly and don't over do it .... 

 I had to go to the hospital alone since everyone was busy or working, I did have my sister of the heart with me via internet (she has been the best support I could have ask for!) but .... I did get slightly upset since I was alone and if I had gotten bad news I would have had to deal with it all alone. 

 I am being a good Mommy, I am staying on bed-rest like I should, I have decided that I do not care if nothing gets done around here I am putting this baby first at all cost and I will catch up after the baby is born. I have also decided that bed-rest sucks! My hips are already complaining and all I want to do is sleep, I am beginning to worry that if this bed-rest get extended for the rest of the pregnancy I will get very very depressed. I am so bored being tied to the bed, I will do what ever it takes tho to make sure I give this little baby the best chance of staying where he/she should until November. It hit me hard yesterday, I knew I loved this baby and really want it but I did not know HOW attached I was until the nurse had to look for the heartbeat for a couple minutes. I cried when she found it I was so relieved! 

 So here we are I am on bed-rest not to happy but the cramps have stopped and in a couple of days things will be good again. I will now stop more and do small amounts at a time. Me thinks this will be a LONG 4 or 5 days lol.

Morbid or Realistic?

So here we are again.... and the question is what is the line between being morbid in thought or being realistic in thought?
 I am the type of woman that wants the next step in what ever the process is. If this happens we do that, if that happens this is the next step. So... last night to prepare myself for an in case of I started my research on what would happen if for some ungodly reason we lost the baby. I am not expecting any problems but things and life happen and I want to be prepared. My loving husband fussed at me for being depressing and dwelling on morbid things... I don't think I was. 
 Is it better to never think about the what if's should something horrible happen then get a shock since you have no idea what to expect? Or is it better to at least know what to expect when the unthinkable happens? Personally I want to know all the possible outcomes so that I am prepared but I understand some people don't... I think it goes back to the glass half full or half empty kind of person you are. 
 On an annoying note... I got a migraine 3 days ago, call the pharmacy for a refill on my meds, the pharmacy sent me an email confirmation .... next day I called, they had lost the RX and needed to call the doctor ERRRRR... So, Okay, I called the doctor yesterday afternoon, the nurse informed me the RX was sent and so forth, the pharmacy said they did not get it... what a LONG and pain filled night.. got up this morning called the pharmacy at 10 and they still had not heard from the doctor (per them). 5 minutes later my nurse called to check (I love this woman!) and when I told her the pharmacy had not seen it yet she said "I will call them right now honey, give it 30 minutes then call them and go get your medicine so that you will not be in pain!" Sure enough 30 minutes later I had my RX in hand and I am in a bit of a better place now. I just could not believe the go back and forth with the pharmacy this month. I guess for the most part it would not have bothered me but I am in pain and every little thing is annoying me. 
 Okay, so that is where we are for the most part. Next week is the dentist and the baby doctor again. I make 16 weeks next week, I started feeling the baby move and it is AMAZING! Because the baby is still so small I can't feel her/him move all the time but late at night when all is still and quiet it is the most amazing feeling in the world! We are getting past the first trimester horror symptoms too which is so nice, I am not having to run pee every 5 minutes and the morning/afternoon sickness is backing off... I am looking forward to this trimester being easy :)