Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The Stranger In The Mirror...

Tomorrow makes one year since I "woke up" as we call it. I had hoped to remember who I was by now... I have poured over the net to find cases and this still reads like a plot from a bad movie. All I see is most cases recover full memory but some do not. Am I in the area of the "do not's"? 
   So where has a year brought us? I accept that I am married to the love of my life and that I have 3 kids, with the forth to make her way into the world any day. I accept that I have a vast network of friends that I love as much as I do my family. I have accepted a lot... but I am still lost. 
 At least the days of "I don't know" are for the most part done. Now I don't get as many questions that I don't know the answer to, when they do come up I can either wing it really well or I am honest and say I have no idea.  I no longer tell people of the amnesia since, let's face it a lot of people don't believe me or the nightmare I have faced in the last 12 months, and I got so very tired of the looks that I would receive.
 Which brings me to the person I see in the mirror everyday. I think back and I have to shake my head since I am not the person I thought I would be (looking from 19 which I remember to 34 today). I wonder why I put up with all that I do and if I will fall into the same situation that caused me to lose myself to begin with. Don't get me wrong I love this life but I wonder .... 
 I guess today finds me in a strange place. I want to remember but then again, on the other hand, I don't really want to either. The reason for that is simple: One year ago I must have been in the most horrible place a person can be to have blocked it, I am not so sure that I want to go back there and bring it all out to the surface again. In this case is ignorance really bliss?