Saturday, June 25, 2011

Through The Looking Glass

"I wonder if Alice had known, that at the bottom of the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, that all she would find was a dismal barren waste land.. would she still have followed the white rabbit?"

Was my last blog question... then I came up with *after talking with Jay* another good one.... So little Miss Twit finds herself in a waste land, but she has cake that makes her grow larger, does she use it to her advantage? Oh hell no, she decides to help save people and play with cards... Now I ask you who in their right minds would do that? I would have eaten the cake and just kicked some ass in a biblical sense.
 I suppose I am showing my repressed violent streak. I think that all men, or women, have a violent streak when pushed hard enough.. or to the right spot... So let's see .. she fell down the rabbit hole, or stepped through the looking glass and did ... nothing in essence...
 This got me thinking ... is that what I have done? Have I found myself awake on the other side of the looking glass, and instead of looking out for me, I am playing cards?
 NOT saying that we should not look out for our follow man, we all should look out for and love one another, but what I am saying is when is it OK to look out for ME? When do I get to come first? When the kids are grown and out of the house? When or if I out live Jay?
 I am not a selfish person, ask any one that knows me, but I find myself in a mood tonight, like I have been thrown down the rabbit hole instead of having fallen.... and this sucks, not in the good way!
If I do catch the white rabbit I promise I will be having rabbit and rice for dinner.
 That really does come across cynical an it really is not meant to be, I guess as I am getting older I am becoming jaded in a bad way. I have almost gotten to the point where there is NOTHING sacred any more and nothing surprises me.
 So to sum up Alice was a non-ass-kicking kind of girl and I am in an ass kicking mood. I am going to try to post a more up beat chipper kind of blog soon, and I may even venture away from a first person blog, may go for a second or 3rd person, to see how that turns out... till them ...*kisses*

Friday, June 24, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole..

It is a blue day for me, I am not exactly sure why, so let's articulate if we can...
I wonder if Alice had known, that at the bottom of the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, that all she would find was a dismal barren waste land.. would she still have followed the white rabbit?

I feel like today I have fallen through the rabbit hole and hit my head on the way down. Not logical I know but when are feeling's ever logical .. really? What is really getting me is I was not even chasing the damn white rabbit today.. I think he hit me on the head and kidnapped me. (What?!?! stranger things have happened in some universe I am sure of it!)

Maybe it is the weather, the lack of sleep, the loneliness I feel for the moment *never alone in my house but still lonely*, the conviction that this is all I have done or become thus far in my life, or maybe it is just I am in a mood and need a good drink. I would love the answer but I am betting that is it not in the cards for today.

I managed to get out of most of the things I had to do today, which is a good thing because (a.) I am tired and achy today, (b.) I am not the best company today so it is best if I hide I think. I still have to go to the store to get what Jami needs for her shut in tonight but I am going to beat feet back to my bed as soon as I can.

Yes, I think that sums it  up for a few .. I may be back later tonight and add more then again the way I feel maybe not... (I hate days like this but if you want to enjoy the rainbow, then suck it up and put up with a little rain.)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

My Life In A Foot Note...

If it were done when it was done, then it was best that it was done quickly.

That being said let's now see if I can sum up my life in a condensed version. I was born in 78, grew up, got married and had 3 great kids ages almost 13, amlost 9, and soon to be 6. I have a great family and the best family of friends!  I am a devote christian and loyal to all that I love.
 Let's see...That brings us to the present... I am a stay at home Mother, but that is not a just title I swear! I homeschool my 3 kids and manage the day to day life in our house. I am a tiny in stature person but make up for it with a lot of  heart, and a really big voice! I am a Sunday School teacher and Royal Ranger Secetary for our little local church that we have been members of for 4 years now.
I have my own thoughts and ideas on what is this way or that , and why it must be this way or that. I do not judge, and I am trying my hardest to be just an open an honest person. I have 3 siblings, and a ton of friends that I have made into my family....
 List them .. of course I will :  Tammie is my older sister
                                               Emmett is my younger brother
                                              Amanda is the baby sister
                                             Angel is my sister of the heart
                                            Donna is another heart sister
                                            Paul is like the really prickish twin god did not give me (that
                                            is not an insult if you know Paul then you will agree, and
                                           besides he knows I love him to bits).
 This is the short list as time goes by I will be adding to it admending it and so forth as new poeple come into my life. Life is way to short to waste time on regret and not loving the ones who cross your path while they are in your world in my humble opinion.
  I am not normally an optimistic person, but neither am I a pessimist, I think I fall somewhere in the middle. My thought is: if it is a good idea now then wait a couple weeks it will still be a good idea, if it was not a good idea then 2 weeks will show that to you. Therefore I do not make snap decisions.
 My beloved husband, Jay, ask "why a blog? what you that bored?" in a way yes I am that bored but in a way not really. I had decided about 3 weeks ago I needed to start a journal and got the stuff to do that only to realize that: (a) I am to lazy to write anything anymore, (b) I am at the computer most of the time being bored or playing a game.. so why not a blog was my return question. We shall see how this works out in the weeks and months to come ... I may do a nightly blog .. for no one but me and then again it maybe a weekend thing or a random when ever I get a thought that I have to express thing, or it maybe that this fricking kid or that kid, maybe even the damn man I married has done something that I need to get out before I explode.... again we shall have to see (laughs softly). 
 This is my life and the insanity there in :)                                        

First edition of Where my mind is rambling....

Ok so this is the first of what I hope will be many, many blogs.
I decided I needed to do this for me as a venting spot... was going to keep a journal but, honestly, I am to lazy to write anything anymore when you can type faster and there is always cut/paste:)

Off to work on page lay out I will post an updated one sometime this afternoon full of nothing details of my rambling mind...