Thursday, May 31, 2012

Morbid or Realistic?

So here we are again.... and the question is what is the line between being morbid in thought or being realistic in thought?
 I am the type of woman that wants the next step in what ever the process is. If this happens we do that, if that happens this is the next step. So... last night to prepare myself for an in case of I started my research on what would happen if for some ungodly reason we lost the baby. I am not expecting any problems but things and life happen and I want to be prepared. My loving husband fussed at me for being depressing and dwelling on morbid things... I don't think I was. 
 Is it better to never think about the what if's should something horrible happen then get a shock since you have no idea what to expect? Or is it better to at least know what to expect when the unthinkable happens? Personally I want to know all the possible outcomes so that I am prepared but I understand some people don't... I think it goes back to the glass half full or half empty kind of person you are. 
 On an annoying note... I got a migraine 3 days ago, call the pharmacy for a refill on my meds, the pharmacy sent me an email confirmation .... next day I called, they had lost the RX and needed to call the doctor ERRRRR... So, Okay, I called the doctor yesterday afternoon, the nurse informed me the RX was sent and so forth, the pharmacy said they did not get it... what a LONG and pain filled night.. got up this morning called the pharmacy at 10 and they still had not heard from the doctor (per them). 5 minutes later my nurse called to check (I love this woman!) and when I told her the pharmacy had not seen it yet she said "I will call them right now honey, give it 30 minutes then call them and go get your medicine so that you will not be in pain!" Sure enough 30 minutes later I had my RX in hand and I am in a bit of a better place now. I just could not believe the go back and forth with the pharmacy this month. I guess for the most part it would not have bothered me but I am in pain and every little thing is annoying me. 
 Okay, so that is where we are for the most part. Next week is the dentist and the baby doctor again. I make 16 weeks next week, I started feeling the baby move and it is AMAZING! Because the baby is still so small I can't feel her/him move all the time but late at night when all is still and quiet it is the most amazing feeling in the world! We are getting past the first trimester horror symptoms too which is so nice, I am not having to run pee every 5 minutes and the morning/afternoon sickness is backing off... I am looking forward to this trimester being easy :) 

Friday, May 25, 2012

An Ode To The Joy Of.... Then Misery Loves Company...

Seems like just yesterday I was telling everyone I was having my forth child... and now we have around 5 and 1/2 months to go.. Time is flying. I am gaining weigh as I should be slow but steady and things are going great with the baby. I am miserable but happy for the most part. 
 My sister in law announced a couple weeks ago she is pregnant as well. I am due November 24th (tho all my babies came 3 and 4 weeks early so I am planning for the front of November) and she is due Jan. 1. When I told her I was having a baby she said she may want another now that I am having one... I am NOT jealous of the baby, I hope my brother's newest one comes out healthy. What does upset me is that she is now mimicking all my things with my baby. Like the no testing, she is adamant about a tubal ligation after the birth, and so on so forth... 
 After what the last 7 months of my life just once I think I deserve to be unique, like I said I am not upset about my new niece or nephew, I am however a little annoyed with my childish sister in law. So I am not posting anything more in public about my baby. I will tell my nearest and dearest in private and that will be that. This way I keep all my joy and lose all the drama that could be brought to the scene. 
 On the joy note we have nailed down a couple names that I think will fit, these may change but for now it is Jody Lee for a boy and Juliet Lee for a girl. I would like to have another little girl, but I will love either that God decides to give me, all I really want is the baby to be healthy. 
 On a misery note, my midwife referred me to a dentist and I am having LOTS of dental work done and may I say OUCH!!!! The dentist assure me that I will have a perfect beautiful smile for the first time in my whole life, I just have to suck it up right now and get through the worse of it....
 Another misery note, sorta, a couple weeks ago my best friend in the world confided in me that we are looking at a cancer scare. Scare is the right word, I am terrified since I can't see my life with out her, and I am praying for all I am worth. We should have the first set of test results in next week... So I am still praying. This friend is like me and has a male best friend that I was an acquaintance with but not close to. Well, when I got the notice from An. of what we were looking at I turned to her friend to make sure he was taking it okay, this was after I called my male best friend and cried my eyes out. Well, An. best friend was drinking and he knew me slightly from before I woke in October... he decided to overstep the bounds of what I consider decent and within the limits of friendship. So I promptly slammed the door on that new friendship. I feel bad for him since he seems like such a lonely man and in need of all the friends he can get, but I am not the woman that will put up with drama, personal insult so, it is his loss since for me he was no more than a mere blimp on my radar as it were. I would welcome an apology from him and I would love to know why he felt it necessary to turn it into what felt like to me a personal attack but I am not taking the first step since I am not the one that started the pissing contest that I nicely shut down... 
 All and all life goes on and I am not in a horrid place.. My mouth is hurting and I know this is only the start but the end will be worth it. The older kids are growing and thriving. Jay is still being Jay but he is trying to be more considerate since I am pregnant. This is where I am at in life right now and that is fine, I have to keep "Graceful Dancing".