And then the Mad Hatter says to Alice "you've lost your muchness"...
Alice would have to have a friend that was crazy wouldn't she? As I am going more into the world of Alice and Wonderland I am finding things that I love and despise about this girl. I find that she does somethings that make me so happy and other times, in reflection, I just want to smack her ...
In retrospect I am finding things that I love and hate about me, and sometimes I just want to smack myself.
Things lately have been interesting to say the least. I feel as I am traveling down my road that I have lost my "muchness" ... I wonder will I be like Alice and one of my crazy friends will help me find it again? Or is this the part of the road that I must walk alone to regain my lost ground? Or, or, or am I never going to be able to regain my "muchness"? *shakes head* questions questions, the world is full of them and I wish I had all the answers but alas I am just making it up as I go along.
I do not have a friend that can help me regain my muchness, tho they help is so many more ways! I would never trade them but nor would I ever, ever, ever draw them in to the web that I must navigate. It would not be fair, and tho life is not fair, this is my unfairness and they have their own to deal with.
I may never be able to regain my lost muchness but that is OK. I am not unhappy all the time, just now and again, this will get better. I think this is the fork in the road that, by choice I know, I must walk alone. I am ok with that since it will give me the chance to learn more about myself and my limits. I have learned so much in the last 2 months about limits and NO it is not always nice. I am not the kind of person that can be told "hey don't do that, not a good idea" nope, I have to go beat my head against the wall MYSELF, go figure.
I am not in a horrid place tonight just a different new place. I am in a place that is teaching me that the wall is made of brick and my head will give way before it does. I am learning when to put a game face on and when it is ok to just have a "fuckit" day. I am learning when to cry, when to take a deep breathe and scream, which contrary to popular belief, is a great thing to do when the need arises long as you are screaming at an inanimate object. I am learning to respect myself in ways that I did not before, and that is always good.
So maybe wonderland is not a barren wasteland as long as you have some "muchness" and a crazy friend.
Sometimes we have to be alone. Sometimes people just do not know what to say, but are always willing to listen.
ReplyDeleteI do not have any sage words in this situation as I have little comparison to do so.
I do think that you will be a different person when you come out of the other side...it usually happens that way. It also is usually a good thing :)
I love you.
P.S. I really think you should get Alice:Return to Madness for the PS3, I think you would find even more enjoyment out of it as you traverse Wonderland..both in life and in game...