Tuesday, April 3, 2012

It's been a while

It's been a while since I could do a lot of things, chief among them was smile... it never fails to amaze me the way life's road twist and turn. This time the twist or turn in the road was a shocking pleasant surprise... 
 I have been super tired and queasy the last month. I thought I had a cold the the kids and hubby were passing back and forth.. then I looked at the calender... I was late. *deep breathe* I am 33 and pregnant with my next baby. I know that I have had problems in the past with keep the baby where it should be till it was time and I know that my daughter was preemie in date not in weight. I am not scared tho. I am so excited over this baby it is unreal. 
 We ended up going to the ER last night because I was having a really sever strange cramp on only the right side of my lower tummy ... even while waiting I was not worried... at the most I expected it to be growing pains, a uti, what ever. Turns out even tho I was drinking more  I was still not drinking enough, so I was slightly dehydrated. Plus, I am tiny tiny tiny and any growth in the tummy area will show and the doctor told me to expect the muscles to complain loudly as they stretch.. yay. But the happy note is the baby is in the play pen where he or she should be and not in the tubes which is off limits. I am 7 weeks along and the heart beat was strong already!
 I am more excited about this than anything I can remember since I woke up. I was ready to walk out the door on this life and this family just a couple weeks ago. A good friend told me maybe this is god's way of saying "Stay"... I agree. 
 So it has been a while since I have gone and fucked things up like I always do but this time the fuck up is a GREAT thing in my opinion. I am not sure if I will keep this positive attitude when I blow up big as a whale but I am going to try. Right now I am looking forward to the end of the morning sickness. 
 It's been a while since I could look at myself straight, a while since I said I'm sorry and a while since I could hold my head up high because I so hated the life I was dealing with. Today looking in the mirror I see a confident woman, that can smile and hold her head high despite the comments I will be receiving soon about my next baby on the way. I have not said sorry in a while because I was just so melancholy but today I am just over the moon even knowing I have months of waiting a head of me. 
 So for those I have annoyed, angered, frustrated, saddened and more I am sorry. Bare with me I am still trying and learning. Be happy with me no matter what the next turn in the road holds for me... 
 Today is the start of appointments for the baby and getting his/her (can't wait to know what she/he is LOL) doctor set up and blah blah blah... Off we go! It will be a good WEEK!