Saturday, August 6, 2011

Did we get it wrong?

The question I have for this post is a hard one, one that I am struggling with, so I am going to toss it out here and see where I land when it is in black and white, or yellow as it were in this case.. (I am leaving Alice in her Wonderland for this one because I have to get this out.)
  Did we get it wrong? Let me get more in dept as Christians did we get the message that Christ was trying to convey wrong?
 Love one another as you do yourself, forgive, help your fellow man, never judge unless you wish to be in a position to be judged, this is just to name a few. So, lets start at the start.... Love others as you love yourself.... Now look around you.. turn on the news, any news channel.. do we love one another as we do ourselves? NO! *shrugs* We don't. I can't think of one time that I have seen the news in the last several years that it does not bare out the fact that we as humans are evil, oh sure there are some gems among us but they are normally sacrificed for the "Greater Good". Sorry but Fuck that! I do not watch TV any more for that reason. I tell my friends I am in "Spongebob Squarepants Hell" but compared to the news on any given day I have changed my mind and will from now on say I am in "Spongebob Squarepants Heaven".
 Help your fellow man... we don't do that either. I don't mean money by the way. I can think of all the ways to help and most of the time the best way is to: Listen, and then Care!... It really is that simple. Instead of waiting for your turn to talk try paying attention and being interested in something besides yourselves. When Jesus was with us he left lots of instructions like: if your brother ask you to walk a mile with him walk two. Simple right? See my confusion? If you can't even care to help carry your brothers burdens why should they care for yours?
 Never judge unless you want to find yourselves in a position to be judged.......
This one really has me stumped and I will tell you why: it is hard, really freaking hard to do. I can manage this most of the time and I have the hang of it but then others who seem to have missed this concept say things that are, in my humble opinion, so very harsh and judgmental. This falls on to the very basis of what, as Christians, we believe or if you follow some other path it should fall under tolerance of other beliefs. TOLERANCE! What a word.. I personally do not care what you believe or follow I would never think to tell you that what you believe 'pisses me off' that is just not who I am. Even if I have known you forever I would never make you feel worthless in your beliefs when you are already low. So if I can extend you the courtesy of not judging what you believe or how you believe even, why judge me? I am on a tangent here and I know this but it hit a sore spot this week. It pissed me off, it hurt me, it made me question myself/ my beliefs at a time when I should not be having questions and really made me think hard. I am not the worlds most open person, I can take your burdens, worries, fears, failures, hopes, dreams, I can help hold you up, hold your hand, encourage you, love you and be the best friend I know how to be. I can truly not judge you and walk 2 miles with you when you only requested one. As for me personally, this week has proven to me that I should keep my burdens to myself. That makes me sad but it is better to be sad than to feel like I fucked up some how.... either in the way I did something or the way I did not do something or in how I believe or why I believe the way I do.
 Forgive............ yeah I listed this second but saved it for last. This was a hard one for me for a long time but as I got older I get it, I really do. Bitterness, being unforgiving, vengeance is like a poison that you drink thinking it will kill the other person. So, I forgive and move on. Forgiving is not an emotion it is a decision. If you forgive it does not give you amnesia and that does not mean it will not hurt. What is means is you don't discuss it anymore you move on. I forgive to move on life is to short to dwell in any corner.
 So did we get it wrong? I think I have to say that man as a whole did get it wrong. What an eye opener for me. I can practice what I preach but humanity can't or won't. I can abhor things and not have them in my house, not teach them to my children, not allow them to corrupt the morals I have in place... I can do all this without judging and I try to do this without hurting anyone else in the process of doing this.  I have tired so hard to be open minded and I think I have succeeded .. I think...
I have a feeling I think to fucking much, about things that don't matter enough to take up this amount of time thinking. I felt like my  beliefs could be flawed and jaded, I felt like I had fucked up somewhere, somehow. Looking back it was not and is not my fuck up. The way I believe is just that: The Way I Believe. If it pisses you off, then: TOUGH! I don't need to hear it pisses you off, in fact I don't want to hear it. If you ask me and I give you the honest answer, but that answer ties into how I believe then you  have no right to feel anything, PERIOD! I don't want your anger, I don't want your pity, I don't want your sympathy... I don't need them. I needed a friendly ear and a hug.. not a hectic, make me feel like shit when I already felt bad session.
 So that is where I am tonight, I think that most of mankind got it wrong but I am doing my damnest to get it right for me. I think that it is unreasonable to expect unconditional love from others when you can only really get that from within. I think when we look in the mirror we need to be happy with ourselves and the decisions that we make to live by. If you don't think this: that we should find happiness within ourselves first, then you are well and truly fucked. I think that I have learned a new lesson this week at a high, painful price.

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