Monday, March 12, 2012

NO set in stone schedule, new loves, and Nightmares....

So here we are again half way between I care and I could not give a rat's ass about anything.
 I get annoyed when unannounced visitors show up at my house during the day. I turn the ringer off on the phone for a reason. Let me explain. On of the many perks of homeschooling my children is that we have no schedule that has to be stuck to with iron clad rules..... That meaning we can do school work in our pj's or we can start at 8 am, or with mornings like this morning we did not get started till after 11 am.  We have really busy weeks that we totally kick it out and get all we need to get done, done. Then there are days when I know we will get nothing done so we do nothing. I hate it when my family shows up tho! It is just a big interruption to our day. I have to stop what I am working on, the kids get stopped, then it takes up to 30 minutes to get them redirected... pisses me off. I don't think it is to hard to understand that I don't want to be bothered till after 5 everyday. I must not be speaking American English any more .... I wonder if I switch to Bitch English will I be heard loud and clear then????? *sigh*
 So, moving on, my little baby dogs are a week old today and I am so in love! Jay told me I could keep the female, which the kids have started calling Bella, it fits. I have been with Jill (Mother dog) every step of the way and I am so relieved that I will be with Bella forever. When I thought I had to give them both up *both puppies* my heart broke. The day after they were born I had a picture of a chihuahua running through my head, of course I don't remember having a dog but I did and I loved this dog to pieces. So I am glad to have a new love. Don't get me wrong I love the little male pup too but he has a forever home to go to when he is old enough so ... I am a bit more reserved I think. 
 Now.... Nightmares! OMG, they have been so bad the last couple weeks. I have worked myself into falling down before I went to bed more days than not just to see if I could out run the nightmares, only to find I still get chased around the clock and wake around 3am covered in a cold sweat, trembling. This morning I had just barely come out of one where my 13yr old daughter was raped and refused to tell me who it was so that I could kill the bastard. Then her dog when nuts in her room... Now, Angel dog (Jami's puppy of 8 months) only barks like crazy when some one is here... I spring up from bed and ran through the house to Jami's room in less than 2 second. I was in full on Kick Ass, Protective Mother, Don't You Dare Touch My Kid mode. Only to find all was well .... I get Jami calmed down, Angel calmed down, the boys back to bed, be-still my pounding heart and step out side to sit a moment and smoke. Then I heard it, we have cats in our neighborhood, one is in heat, and they decided that the best place in the world to mate was under Jami's window. If you have ever heard a cat mating then you know they are LOUD, well, this scared Angel which made her bark like crazy and set off the chain of events described above. 
 I remember the nightmare with Jami in it which is odd since it was so horrible, and it is the first I have a dream with one of the kids in it. Most of the time I wake terrified and covered in sweat only to find when my eyes open and I set bolt straight in my bed I can only catch a fleeting glimpse of what the dream was. I only get vague impressions, just enough to know I was scared but it was only a dream. I hate that! I have had to deal with bad dreams since I woke in October. Some weeks are better some, like the last couple, are much worse. It has me asking today if it will ever get better and we can go back to the garden variety boogie man ones.... I don't think I liked those better but it is so much easier to dismiss a zombie as a nightmare than a memory that you don't remember that keeps trying to grab you. 
 Here we go again, let's take our hats off to Monday. Let's see if we can have us a grand week with no drama, no muss, no fuss....