The Rant...

Yeah, yeah, I'm in that place once again. The place where nothing is right and if it can go wrong it already has more than likely. 
 Where do we start: No bedroom, Jami's lack of attention span, MIL, sick, to much to do in to little time....
   I know I have bitched repeatedly that I do not have a bed room and it is true I don't. What we have is a living room that my bed is in. In one way it is nice we all can hang out and watch tv together or play the computer games, whatever. On the other hand it fucking sucks! I have no privacy and that is just not right. I know, I know I am bitching again and nothing will change.... but sometimes you just have to bitch.
 I am sick, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post. I have a cold that is kicking my butt. I am tired sorry but that comes with having a cold I think partly and I don't know if any one has had the balls to mention before but I'm Pregnant and making a baby is HARD WORK! I am waking at odd hours between the baby and the cold. I get tired in the afternoons and I don't think it is asking to much to be allowed to take a nap if I need one....  Now can some one tell me why NO ONE in my known little universe will let me freaking sleep? And not it is NOT the kids in the house it is the phone, or people showing up or whatever. Lord don't let me have enough and turn the phone off then all hell does break loose ....(more on that in a minute).
 Yesterday the MIL comes over, unannounced which always annoys me but I over look it for the most part, to show me her new smart phone. *Rolls eyes* I don't know why she needs a smart phone but her daughter did it for her so ok is all I will say. So after she shows off her new toy she starts in on Jami Lynn... *deep breathe here* I looked at Jami and she gave me the "Mom don't freak out on us look" so I did not say anything in front of Barbara but I was LIVID. 
 Let me back up a bit, I was very active in my church before I woke up in October, I keep meaning to go back but every time I try something comes us, that is life and it will work out. But if I don't go then the kids don't either and that is not an issue with me. Apparently Jami was slightly fussing because she did not have any "real life friends" since she is home schooled and we don't go to church. I will admit that this is true but then again she goes over board because she is 13 it is NOT the end of the world but she is a teenager so ... enough said. Well the loving mother in law ask yesterday if my Grandmother goes to my church and indeed she does but my granny is OLD and I don't send my kids with her for several reasons that I will not get into here, we will leave it at family drama. But Barbara decided to tell Jami that she needed to get her little butt up and be at church with my Grandmother Sunday and find a friend or a little boy to befriend...... I saw red I swear, Jami ask me not to say a thing so I did not but EEEEERRR! Sometimes I wish my parents had not raised me to have such respect for my elders, I want to tell her off but she is Jay's mother and I just can't. 
 So, today when she called I was trying to sleep because I feel like curd, I ignored it and turn it plus my cell phone off. I need to rest. Before hand I had fielded calls from Jay asking me to look up an address for him, that bothers me too since I am not his office girl... let her freaking do it.... I am ill. So anyway, Jay gets in and the first thing out of his mouth is "Woman is your phone broken"... O.o "No the ringer is off since I just can't deal with your mother today." I have no voice by the way I sound like a little frog so talking is not big on my list today. "She was calling to apologize for stepping on your toes yesterday." Big freaking deal! Still don't want to talk to her. Honestly she should have just hushed to begin with. *Shurgs* 
 I am tired of going over and over things with Jami but her attention span or lack there of I have about decided comes from her Father's side of the family since I have been told he was the same way as a teenager. Still would be nice if she could do 3 thing in a row without me having to repeat what I ask her to do. *sigh, cough*
 I have 2 doctor apt.'s tomorrow. The first is for the baby and I am looking forward to hearing the little one's heart beat really! The second is the dentist, not looking forward to that but I will suck it up because I really do want a pretty smile. I just feel overloaded for the moment, probably because I am still tired and sick. 
 So that is the ranting novel.. tomorrow will be better I am hoping. 

ACHOO! and Ewww, Ewww and sorry but EWWWWW!

So it is official I have the kids cold. Not sure if you can get the flu twice in a year but I am hoping that you can't.
I am so ill. I hate the fact I am not a good sick person, and it seems if the kids get it then so do I the minute I get them well. Just Nasty! When I feel the worse, is when I need the most love, so not going to happen in my house. Don't pity me, but I am so wimpy tonight.
 So the not so great side, or the great side of amnesia .... pick your own here... I met my niece's father last night, drew a total blank on that one. Just another stranger in a long list of stranger to me. I guess I did not miss much there and I am not going to miss much. That is the first Ewww, Ok.. and "who the hell are you?" topped with a "Jay someone is here, and big lanky man, get your ass out here!" and I left him with Jay pretty much. 
 Also, this is somewhat sad but I lost a nephew 1-11-06 ... will be 6 years ago next month. I am all for grieving but I am the type of person I will not air it for all to see. My sister-in-law must not be this way. She has posted pictures of this dead baby.. EWWWWWWWW! sorry but EWWWWWW! No that is just wrong. I will not tell her to not grieve or snap out of it or what ever but I so am not going to see those kinds of things. Thank God Facebook has an unsubscribe button so that she does not show up on my time line. If she post to much on my page I will have to toss her off my friends list. That is so not to be mean but hey.. that is just gross to me sorry but *shrugs* that is how I feel. I may have to call E up soon and talk to him. I understand the pain and grieving and how you think of the ones that you lost, I get it since I lost my first to a miscarriage on 12/1/97. I still think of that baby every year! That one would be 14 this year it is like I have lost a small part of my heart. So, yeah I get it, but I don't dwell on it. Damn what is the point? I have 3 kids that are healthy, beautiful, smart and the loves of my life.... I can't replace the one I lost but there is no point in hanging on the the what will never be's. That is just sad, and makes me pity her all the more. I think part of maturity is being able to move on, if not let go, accept and find peace without dragging everyone around you down in the process. But, hey that's me and I could be wrong, either way I will not have that on my page nor allow my daughter to see that. I have unfriended her on Jami's page.. I am waiting for the smart ass comment about that but *shrugs* I will do what I feel I must to protect my child even if that means hurting your feelings. That also implies that I don't care who you are to her, father, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt... it matters not one iota to me. My family tells me I am scary when I am angry with others over them.. I can so totally see that.
 So tonight finds me with cold meds in my system, kicking around a new Alice blog post and just meh, to coin a phrase from a beloved sister of the heart. I am trying to remember to drink lots of fluid and rest. I hope the morning sun does not come up soon I so need the rest *smile*.