Yeah, yeah, I'm in that place once again. The place where nothing is right and if it can go wrong it already has more than likely.
Where do we start: No bedroom, Jami's lack of attention span, MIL, sick, to much to do in to little time....
I know I have bitched repeatedly that I do not have a bed room and it is true I don't. What we have is a living room that my bed is in. In one way it is nice we all can hang out and watch tv together or play the computer games, whatever. On the other hand it fucking sucks! I have no privacy and that is just not right. I know, I know I am bitching again and nothing will change.... but sometimes you just have to bitch.
I am sick, as I mentioned in an earlier blog post. I have a cold that is kicking my butt. I am tired sorry but that comes with having a cold I think partly and I don't know if any one has had the balls to mention before but I'm Pregnant and making a baby is HARD WORK! I am waking at odd hours between the baby and the cold. I get tired in the afternoons and I don't think it is asking to much to be allowed to take a nap if I need one.... Now can some one tell me why NO ONE in my known little universe will let me freaking sleep? And not it is NOT the kids in the house it is the phone, or people showing up or whatever. Lord don't let me have enough and turn the phone off then all hell does break loose ....(more on that in a minute).
Yesterday the MIL comes over, unannounced which always annoys me but I over look it for the most part, to show me her new smart phone. *Rolls eyes* I don't know why she needs a smart phone but her daughter did it for her so ok is all I will say. So after she shows off her new toy she starts in on Jami Lynn... *deep breathe here* I looked at Jami and she gave me the "Mom don't freak out on us look" so I did not say anything in front of Barbara but I was LIVID.
Let me back up a bit, I was very active in my church before I woke up in October, I keep meaning to go back but every time I try something comes us, that is life and it will work out. But if I don't go then the kids don't either and that is not an issue with me. Apparently Jami was slightly fussing because she did not have any "real life friends" since she is home schooled and we don't go to church. I will admit that this is true but then again she goes over board because she is 13 it is NOT the end of the world but she is a teenager so ... enough said. Well the loving mother in law ask yesterday if my Grandmother goes to my church and indeed she does but my granny is OLD and I don't send my kids with her for several reasons that I will not get into here, we will leave it at family drama. But Barbara decided to tell Jami that she needed to get her little butt up and be at church with my Grandmother Sunday and find a friend or a little boy to befriend...... I saw red I swear, Jami ask me not to say a thing so I did not but EEEEERRR! Sometimes I wish my parents had not raised me to have such respect for my elders, I want to tell her off but she is Jay's mother and I just can't.
So, today when she called I was trying to sleep because I feel like curd, I ignored it and turn it plus my cell phone off. I need to rest. Before hand I had fielded calls from Jay asking me to look up an address for him, that bothers me too since I am not his office girl... let her freaking do it.... I am ill. So anyway, Jay gets in and the first thing out of his mouth is "Woman is your phone broken"... O.o "No the ringer is off since I just can't deal with your mother today." I have no voice by the way I sound like a little frog so talking is not big on my list today. "She was calling to apologize for stepping on your toes yesterday." Big freaking deal! Still don't want to talk to her. Honestly she should have just hushed to begin with. *Shurgs*
I am tired of going over and over things with Jami but her attention span or lack there of I have about decided comes from her Father's side of the family since I have been told he was the same way as a teenager. Still would be nice if she could do 3 thing in a row without me having to repeat what I ask her to do. *sigh, cough*
I have 2 doctor apt.'s tomorrow. The first is for the baby and I am looking forward to hearing the little one's heart beat really! The second is the dentist, not looking forward to that but I will suck it up because I really do want a pretty smile. I just feel overloaded for the moment, probably because I am still tired and sick.
So that is the ranting novel.. tomorrow will be better I am hoping.
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Damn it I'm in that place once again!
I find myself in that horrible, disillusioned place once again. I hate my bedroom, since it is a living/den/bedroom all in one.....
I have a window sill that we made into a shelf for my tv, needless to say this did not work out so well, so the shelf became the Ninja kitty's favorite bed. Jay decided 3 days ago to move his stuff to the shelf along with my jewelry box and what not else. I warned him at the time that the Ninja kitty would knock it down but I know nothing ....
I soon got busy and honestly forgot about my box being on it until this morning and true to form the Ninja kitty jumped up there and my box went flying... I am still digging rings and tie tacks out from under my bed. I decided to clean the shelf back off and move our stuff to the bookshelf that lives by my bed that did nothing more than collect dust. In the process of cleaning and rearranging I find that I am in that place once again.
The damn it all to hell place where I don't know what I should put where or how. I want to spring clean our clothes but I have no idea what I will wear in the winter come the end of summer this year. I have no idea what falls to Jay's favorites and so forth. I am frustrated and tired. I am hating this room with a worse passion than I have felt since waking up.
I will admit something else here since I can. I hate the way Jay speaks to me on what ever I do. Nothing is ever "good enough" it is always, always, Always!, "well that is good but now do this or that or whatever". Take for example, the kids and I cleaned out the pool for them yesterday. Took 4 hours in the heat, we got it 98% done, I was not and am not worried about the last little bit since kids feet, bleach, and the filter will deal with it. I told the kids I was proud of them and good job! Jay comes in and goes "Good now get "this" brush re-scrub the bottom and add bleach". I could have beaten him black and blue. Within the last 2 weeks I have stopped asking him at all what he thinks about anything. I find that he can't do constructive criticism and I can't deal with his comments. That really sucks since he is the one I would expect the most support from. I have found there is no " WOW" factor any more for him. Nothing I do is surprising or good enough, I have not stopped trying yet, for when I do what I do, it is done for MY satisfaction but I did stop to wonder... Is this (his reaction) what lead me to stop trying before I woke up? Was he a major player in the role I had taken on to just go day to day and be mundane?
I find that I am not having a great week this week with my FM. I expected all my activity to catch up to me and it did. I am tired since I have woke every night for the last several between 2 and 3am... I hurt from bottom to top, not bad, not a screaming I can't deal pain but a deep dull ache, my everything aches. I want to cry so I guess I am hormonal it is about time again....
Just Damn It All! I'm in that place once again and I hate it. I have no idea how to change it or make it better *sigh* today is just an icky day.
I have a window sill that we made into a shelf for my tv, needless to say this did not work out so well, so the shelf became the Ninja kitty's favorite bed. Jay decided 3 days ago to move his stuff to the shelf along with my jewelry box and what not else. I warned him at the time that the Ninja kitty would knock it down but I know nothing ....
I soon got busy and honestly forgot about my box being on it until this morning and true to form the Ninja kitty jumped up there and my box went flying... I am still digging rings and tie tacks out from under my bed. I decided to clean the shelf back off and move our stuff to the bookshelf that lives by my bed that did nothing more than collect dust. In the process of cleaning and rearranging I find that I am in that place once again.
The damn it all to hell place where I don't know what I should put where or how. I want to spring clean our clothes but I have no idea what I will wear in the winter come the end of summer this year. I have no idea what falls to Jay's favorites and so forth. I am frustrated and tired. I am hating this room with a worse passion than I have felt since waking up.
I will admit something else here since I can. I hate the way Jay speaks to me on what ever I do. Nothing is ever "good enough" it is always, always, Always!, "well that is good but now do this or that or whatever". Take for example, the kids and I cleaned out the pool for them yesterday. Took 4 hours in the heat, we got it 98% done, I was not and am not worried about the last little bit since kids feet, bleach, and the filter will deal with it. I told the kids I was proud of them and good job! Jay comes in and goes "Good now get "this" brush re-scrub the bottom and add bleach". I could have beaten him black and blue. Within the last 2 weeks I have stopped asking him at all what he thinks about anything. I find that he can't do constructive criticism and I can't deal with his comments. That really sucks since he is the one I would expect the most support from. I have found there is no " WOW" factor any more for him. Nothing I do is surprising or good enough, I have not stopped trying yet, for when I do what I do, it is done for MY satisfaction but I did stop to wonder... Is this (his reaction) what lead me to stop trying before I woke up? Was he a major player in the role I had taken on to just go day to day and be mundane?
I find that I am not having a great week this week with my FM. I expected all my activity to catch up to me and it did. I am tired since I have woke every night for the last several between 2 and 3am... I hurt from bottom to top, not bad, not a screaming I can't deal pain but a deep dull ache, my everything aches. I want to cry so I guess I am hormonal it is about time again....
Just Damn It All! I'm in that place once again and I hate it. I have no idea how to change it or make it better *sigh* today is just an icky day.
Sunday, February 26, 2012
From Annoyed to Blue in an hour
So, I took a hot shower, scrubbed the paint and dust from my hair. Followed by a LONG HOT bath to get my muscles to stop twitching. While I soaked I took stock of myself.... I am not pleased. I have stretch marks from hell, my hair is down to my waist just about, I have 2 piercings, and a couple tattoo's that I don't remember. I have dropped around 8 pounds which would not be a big deal to any one else but to me it shows and I get remarks on it.
I love the nose piercing and I could take or leave the belly ring. I love my tiny infinity symbol on my wrist and I guess having Jay's name on my hip is not so bad. I hate the stretch marks they are so ugly. I was told I gained a huge amount of weight with the kids and that is where the stretch marks came from. Since I can't remember that part and all I see is an ugly thing to me it makes me sad. I don't mind being skinny but what I am so sick of is others telling me to add weight. Why is it that what is pleasing to us as a personal definitive of the word pleasing is always the opposite to others? *Shakes Head* I say if you are happy at 100lbs GREAT, if not then add weight, if you are happy at 300 GREAT, if not then drop some weight..Yes, I know it is hard work but if you are unhappy then fix it don't whine about it. I am happy at 100lbs I just wish others would back off me about it, that's all. My hair is another thing I am sick of almost. I don't remember it ever being this long. Yes I have pictures of it being down past my hips but I don't remember that, the only hair style I remember is short, short, short! It takes forever to wash and comb my hair out, then oh god to brush it out the next day... I will so pass thanks.
I think at that point my brain went on auto pilot, just poof and I was in a fog so thick I can't put two words together and have them come out correctly to save my life.
I am in a BIG anti-social mood. I just don't want to talk to anyone, the husband and kids included. My brother came by with his family to see what Jay was up to and did not even come inside to see me.... bastard! I guess the fog was so thick that he could not see me... I don't know but when his wife called a few minutes ago about their sick dog, I was not rude but I was curt. I am only noticed when they need something and I am damn sure sick of it.
So, Jay tells me "you have to go to Walmart and buy me new shoes for work, I can't wear these in tomorrow." o.O "What?! you knew they would get covered in red clay... oh hell naw do not expect me to run around for you tonight I worked just as hard as you did painting the kitchen ALONE! Go yourself." I am so not his mother. if he wants new shoes that badly he will have to go, I will not risk driving anywhere tonight with the fog as thick as it is. I am amazed that I have managed this blog post thus far but even though I am having to back up and retype things it is far easier to get it out in type form than in spoken.. and that sucks on a whole new level.
My darling daughter forgot her DSi with her Granny on Friday. I had warned her several times about that, and the fact that I would not run back across town Friday afternoons to get it for her. Well, I did not go Friday and got so busy Saturday I forgot to take her. I did take her in between coating the kitchen walls today. She has made us all a nice dinner and is happy as can be. With food taken care of I am free to lay on my bed, do another blog post, put head phones on and generally ignore everyone.
I feel like I worked my little ass off this weekend and got little done with no one to care. While the boys were outside I made sure they had drinks and I went out in between coats of paint to talk with them, tell them what a good job they were doing at such a hard task. I am just fed-up and tired I guess. I was so angry earlier tonight but that burned out fast and now I am just blue. I think that I am going to turn on the most boring thing I can find and call it an early, very early night. I am hoping that tomorrow I will get the last coat over the walls since it does indeed need another coat, and that it will be an easy day if at all possible. Here is to hopes and dreams.
I love the nose piercing and I could take or leave the belly ring. I love my tiny infinity symbol on my wrist and I guess having Jay's name on my hip is not so bad. I hate the stretch marks they are so ugly. I was told I gained a huge amount of weight with the kids and that is where the stretch marks came from. Since I can't remember that part and all I see is an ugly thing to me it makes me sad. I don't mind being skinny but what I am so sick of is others telling me to add weight. Why is it that what is pleasing to us as a personal definitive of the word pleasing is always the opposite to others? *Shakes Head* I say if you are happy at 100lbs GREAT, if not then add weight, if you are happy at 300 GREAT, if not then drop some weight..Yes, I know it is hard work but if you are unhappy then fix it don't whine about it. I am happy at 100lbs I just wish others would back off me about it, that's all. My hair is another thing I am sick of almost. I don't remember it ever being this long. Yes I have pictures of it being down past my hips but I don't remember that, the only hair style I remember is short, short, short! It takes forever to wash and comb my hair out, then oh god to brush it out the next day... I will so pass thanks.
I think at that point my brain went on auto pilot, just poof and I was in a fog so thick I can't put two words together and have them come out correctly to save my life.
I am in a BIG anti-social mood. I just don't want to talk to anyone, the husband and kids included. My brother came by with his family to see what Jay was up to and did not even come inside to see me.... bastard! I guess the fog was so thick that he could not see me... I don't know but when his wife called a few minutes ago about their sick dog, I was not rude but I was curt. I am only noticed when they need something and I am damn sure sick of it.
So, Jay tells me "you have to go to Walmart and buy me new shoes for work, I can't wear these in tomorrow." o.O "What?! you knew they would get covered in red clay... oh hell naw do not expect me to run around for you tonight I worked just as hard as you did painting the kitchen ALONE! Go yourself." I am so not his mother. if he wants new shoes that badly he will have to go, I will not risk driving anywhere tonight with the fog as thick as it is. I am amazed that I have managed this blog post thus far but even though I am having to back up and retype things it is far easier to get it out in type form than in spoken.. and that sucks on a whole new level.
My darling daughter forgot her DSi with her Granny on Friday. I had warned her several times about that, and the fact that I would not run back across town Friday afternoons to get it for her. Well, I did not go Friday and got so busy Saturday I forgot to take her. I did take her in between coating the kitchen walls today. She has made us all a nice dinner and is happy as can be. With food taken care of I am free to lay on my bed, do another blog post, put head phones on and generally ignore everyone.
I feel like I worked my little ass off this weekend and got little done with no one to care. While the boys were outside I made sure they had drinks and I went out in between coats of paint to talk with them, tell them what a good job they were doing at such a hard task. I am just fed-up and tired I guess. I was so angry earlier tonight but that burned out fast and now I am just blue. I think that I am going to turn on the most boring thing I can find and call it an early, very early night. I am hoping that tomorrow I will get the last coat over the walls since it does indeed need another coat, and that it will be an easy day if at all possible. Here is to hopes and dreams.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Still Busy, Puppies soon, and Cancer..
Wow, crazy here let's loop ourselves back in. Tammie had surgery Monday and came out fine! She came home yesterday and it okay. I spent Monday doing running with the hospital and things. Got home Monday afternoon to find the dumb dog of my daughter's ready to have her babies, thank go that was a false labor but it did get my butt in gear to get the things ready for them... So off to the store I go to get what I need... I called home to ask Jay a question got hung up on he was way cranky... got home to find Jay and the mother in law in the yard.
Jay's family and my family are close to say the least.... My father grew up with Jay's mother and brother... I grew up calling them aunt and uncle. Well, Jay uncle had a spot on his lung they found 4 months ago. Had it checked (4 months later! this was last Friday). At the time they found it they told him it was MILD COPD, and to quit smoking... they did the test thingy and lung ct Friday, got the results Monday. I knew all this, I was expecting something non-fatal, I mean come on ONE spot?!?! how could it be that bad? My mother in law was in tears, and I still tune up when I think of the results, the doctor has given him 6 months (best case) to live, the lung that had the one spot 4 months ago is completely eaten up with cancer. He is younger than my father and I used to spend every weekend during hunting season with him... 6 months?!?! On top of nothing can be done. They will do the radiation but that is just to kill what is there, and he was told to get his affairs in order. I am not sure at this point I have my brain around it. Of course the first thing I did was call my brother to tell him that I love him and just so he could cheer me up some.. oh and to tell him to get in touch with Daddy because I knew our Father would need him.
Uncle Jeff was told to stop working and so on so forth, he refuses. His exact words were "the doctors don't know shit" well, OK then.... I say if he really does only have a few months left then let him be happy. Damn the cost to our own peace of mind, if working does it, if being on the volunteer fire-dept. does it then so be it! I want to go see him and hug him but right now he is in denial and until he accepts this for what it is I can't go to him, and that I guess is ok too..... I will do as I have been doing and just pray.
So over the last weekend we renovated the kitchen and since it has been so hectic we are still in the process of putting it back together.. fun, fun, fun.
Plus this last week I have not gotten much sleep, between the dumb fat prego dog, and Jesse having night terrors I am wiped. I don't know what do to for Jesse. I know that as a child around his age I had nightmares too that were horrible, but I had way more awful images in my head than he does and I shared a bed with my big sister so I was never alone!.... I will have to work on something tho, I hate the thought of him being alone and scared even if I am only a couple rooms away. Maybe a touch lamp or something, I don't know but ... OH! and Jay is so bad at this stuff! He yelled at my son last night! I could have freaking killed Jay. I swear Jay does not remember what it was like to be a little guy and be scared. He acts like his father, who was a very loving man but not compassionate at all. I know it is hard to go over and over the same ground with a 9 year old, I know it is not easy to repeat yourself since, I mean, Hey come on you are the adult tell you once and you got it but, give up he is a little boy. So I spent half the night with Jess then came to bed and did not say a word to Jay and I have not talked to him today either I am still mad at him. MEN!!
I think that rounds out this last week more to come I am sure... but this is my brain drain for the week. I will leave you with AWOLNATION "Kill Your Heros"...
Jay's family and my family are close to say the least.... My father grew up with Jay's mother and brother... I grew up calling them aunt and uncle. Well, Jay uncle had a spot on his lung they found 4 months ago. Had it checked (4 months later! this was last Friday). At the time they found it they told him it was MILD COPD, and to quit smoking... they did the test thingy and lung ct Friday, got the results Monday. I knew all this, I was expecting something non-fatal, I mean come on ONE spot?!?! how could it be that bad? My mother in law was in tears, and I still tune up when I think of the results, the doctor has given him 6 months (best case) to live, the lung that had the one spot 4 months ago is completely eaten up with cancer. He is younger than my father and I used to spend every weekend during hunting season with him... 6 months?!?! On top of nothing can be done. They will do the radiation but that is just to kill what is there, and he was told to get his affairs in order. I am not sure at this point I have my brain around it. Of course the first thing I did was call my brother to tell him that I love him and just so he could cheer me up some.. oh and to tell him to get in touch with Daddy because I knew our Father would need him.
Uncle Jeff was told to stop working and so on so forth, he refuses. His exact words were "the doctors don't know shit" well, OK then.... I say if he really does only have a few months left then let him be happy. Damn the cost to our own peace of mind, if working does it, if being on the volunteer fire-dept. does it then so be it! I want to go see him and hug him but right now he is in denial and until he accepts this for what it is I can't go to him, and that I guess is ok too..... I will do as I have been doing and just pray.
So over the last weekend we renovated the kitchen and since it has been so hectic we are still in the process of putting it back together.. fun, fun, fun.
Plus this last week I have not gotten much sleep, between the dumb fat prego dog, and Jesse having night terrors I am wiped. I don't know what do to for Jesse. I know that as a child around his age I had nightmares too that were horrible, but I had way more awful images in my head than he does and I shared a bed with my big sister so I was never alone!.... I will have to work on something tho, I hate the thought of him being alone and scared even if I am only a couple rooms away. Maybe a touch lamp or something, I don't know but ... OH! and Jay is so bad at this stuff! He yelled at my son last night! I could have freaking killed Jay. I swear Jay does not remember what it was like to be a little guy and be scared. He acts like his father, who was a very loving man but not compassionate at all. I know it is hard to go over and over the same ground with a 9 year old, I know it is not easy to repeat yourself since, I mean, Hey come on you are the adult tell you once and you got it but, give up he is a little boy. So I spent half the night with Jess then came to bed and did not say a word to Jay and I have not talked to him today either I am still mad at him. MEN!!
I think that rounds out this last week more to come I am sure... but this is my brain drain for the week. I will leave you with AWOLNATION "Kill Your Heros"...
Monday, January 23, 2012
It's not enough ....No rewind button
So I can't sleep and it is almost dawn. I decided I needed to write it out and to see if it will be less threatening out loud.
So what do you do when all you have is not enough? I am not obsessing here, I promise. I am not over thinking here, I swear. The question is valid. I am more than just any single one of the hats I wear on a daily basis, according to everyone that knows me swear I wear less hats now than I did in October, and none or all or any of them are enough. Is it wrong for me to feel like it is not enough? Is it wrong to want more or maybe less of what you are dealing with? Is it wrong to want to have a friend that you can really call up at 2am to help you unravel your latest hangup even when you are in your 30's and have insomnia? Is it wrong to be ready to give up even after you just woke up so to speak?
So you give up fighting to go to sleep and you deal. You catch up on some reading, blog, decide that brownies after midnight are never a good idea (heartburn sucks), you give up on rebelling about wearing your glasses in bed and put the damn things back on so you can see what the hell the words you are typing really look like.
I have tried talking to Jay and all he gets is "Oh no Joni is bitching at me again" and that was so NOT my intention at all. So now I have it all bottled and it is about to roll out in spades! I feel like I have whined to all my friends, the ones I kept in the loop, so much how could I possibly dump the "I am thinking about divorce" on them... or the fact that I am still a wreck. I have locked out a lot of others in my life, mostly family, because I just can't deal with them. Sounds harsh, selfish, and all kinds of self-serving but that is what it is. That is how I feel, I can't deal *shrugs*.
Played a game with the boys Saturday called "Tekken". They begged, said I loved it and was good at it.....MISTAKE. Ok so yeah I tried, and was great with it in the begining but it was a team battle, basically you pick 8 charters and go after the other guys 8 charters. By the time I got done I was so tense I could not think straight.... so I go out to the store, oh god, another big mistake! Don't ask me why but it was and made me more tense and anxious.
Ohh hell, maybe it is hormones, maybe it is the weather, I wish I knew. I have spent Sunday in bed because I felt so bad. Just, achy, bloated, and just ugh. Yeah I know it is never a good idea to lay around for a whole day but that is all I felt like doing... I did do 5 loads of laundry, found my bed, and stayed in it all day. Jay took the kids out trying to be nice but in the hour and a half he was gone I took care of 4 phone calls and 2 visitors! Even when they are not with me I have no down time I am always busy. I so need to work on that!
I have decided that life needs a rewind button like streaming movies. We all need a way to back up and do it over. We need a way to reset the score. WHAT?! You did not know? or You were not brave enough to say it? Well Kido's in the cold morning light let me tell you we all keep score, men and women... we just keep it differently. Men are so fast to give themselves BIG points for doing nothing..really they do. He gets up to goes to work, he gets GREAT bonus points.... Ladies get up tend to the kids all day, and get 1 point, and in turn ladies give him 1 point. So by the end of the day he is way up on points and feels fine vegging out in front of the technological device to give us time to "catch up". Wrong, yeah I know, and ya know what I agree it is wrong, but is that the way it is? OH yeah!
So... where does after 8 am find me? Tired but not sleepy, looking at a long day but not daunted. As 8 rounds the corner to 9 am I am just sitting still and trying to remember to breathe.
So what do you do when all you have is not enough? I am not obsessing here, I promise. I am not over thinking here, I swear. The question is valid. I am more than just any single one of the hats I wear on a daily basis, according to everyone that knows me swear I wear less hats now than I did in October, and none or all or any of them are enough. Is it wrong for me to feel like it is not enough? Is it wrong to want more or maybe less of what you are dealing with? Is it wrong to want to have a friend that you can really call up at 2am to help you unravel your latest hangup even when you are in your 30's and have insomnia? Is it wrong to be ready to give up even after you just woke up so to speak?
So you give up fighting to go to sleep and you deal. You catch up on some reading, blog, decide that brownies after midnight are never a good idea (heartburn sucks), you give up on rebelling about wearing your glasses in bed and put the damn things back on so you can see what the hell the words you are typing really look like.
I have tried talking to Jay and all he gets is "Oh no Joni is bitching at me again" and that was so NOT my intention at all. So now I have it all bottled and it is about to roll out in spades! I feel like I have whined to all my friends, the ones I kept in the loop, so much how could I possibly dump the "I am thinking about divorce" on them... or the fact that I am still a wreck. I have locked out a lot of others in my life, mostly family, because I just can't deal with them. Sounds harsh, selfish, and all kinds of self-serving but that is what it is. That is how I feel, I can't deal *shrugs*.
Played a game with the boys Saturday called "Tekken". They begged, said I loved it and was good at it.....MISTAKE. Ok so yeah I tried, and was great with it in the begining but it was a team battle, basically you pick 8 charters and go after the other guys 8 charters. By the time I got done I was so tense I could not think straight.... so I go out to the store, oh god, another big mistake! Don't ask me why but it was and made me more tense and anxious.
Ohh hell, maybe it is hormones, maybe it is the weather, I wish I knew. I have spent Sunday in bed because I felt so bad. Just, achy, bloated, and just ugh. Yeah I know it is never a good idea to lay around for a whole day but that is all I felt like doing... I did do 5 loads of laundry, found my bed, and stayed in it all day. Jay took the kids out trying to be nice but in the hour and a half he was gone I took care of 4 phone calls and 2 visitors! Even when they are not with me I have no down time I am always busy. I so need to work on that!
I have decided that life needs a rewind button like streaming movies. We all need a way to back up and do it over. We need a way to reset the score. WHAT?! You did not know? or You were not brave enough to say it? Well Kido's in the cold morning light let me tell you we all keep score, men and women... we just keep it differently. Men are so fast to give themselves BIG points for doing nothing..really they do. He gets up to goes to work, he gets GREAT bonus points.... Ladies get up tend to the kids all day, and get 1 point, and in turn ladies give him 1 point. So by the end of the day he is way up on points and feels fine vegging out in front of the technological device to give us time to "catch up". Wrong, yeah I know, and ya know what I agree it is wrong, but is that the way it is? OH yeah!
So... where does after 8 am find me? Tired but not sleepy, looking at a long day but not daunted. As 8 rounds the corner to 9 am I am just sitting still and trying to remember to breathe.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)