Ok so it is Tuesday lets get the first biggest thing out of the way. My mother is home thank god! I am done with the back and froth to the hospital, my feet hurt, I am exhausted but thrilled that she is home and normal. I will take a day or so to relax and catch up, but I am oh so happy she is home for Christmas!
Next my topic for today: Lead, but lead with competentce, Follow, but follow silently, or.. please, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.
Simple right? Straight English, not hard to comprehend. I could handle these instructions and have on more than one occasion. So let's take it apart and see what lands where by the end of this post:
(1.) Lead but lead with competence.... You call me to deal with what ever it is that you can't deal with, that means to me that you can't do the leading but you think that I can... Okay I can deal with that. I have the ability to lead even if I don't always want to. I have the confidence within myself to show you how to do it and what to do and where to turn to get it done. I have the humility to ask if I am unsure and I will do my homework. I promise, as always to listen to what you have to say and to not yell if I think you are wrong. I will entertain anything you have to say and be as fair as I know how to be. You know all this since you called me, so that brings us to:
(2.) Follow, but follow silently. Yeah I get it not the easiest one to do. It is hard when your toes are getting stepped on to shut the heaven up. I would have problems with that but I would still breathe and not yell. I hate it when someone feels they must be the martyr in any situation and I hate it when I feel I must tell you to "get off the cross" and get on your feet. I hate that I am put in the position to have to correct you in something you should know better about. I hate when I am called to lead and then you want to fuss at how I do it even when I am getting the results that I need to get. So do us all a favor, just follow silently or
(3.) GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY. Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars, do not speak, just get out of my way. I don't mean to seem harsh, I am oh so sorry if it is so cruel to you but really get out of the way, please. If it could have been done better by someone else then you should have called them. As it is or was I did the best I could, you have no dog in this fight and I think I see "EXIT" on the stage to your left. Especially, when the situation you called me to handle is over and done with all working out fine in the end.
I have done a lot of thinking in the last couple months, and I have done a lot of changes as well. I will not sugar coat it and say it was all so sweet or nice. Nor will I sit here and type that I am all done and we are all peachy keen. The truth is I am just getting started and before I am done I will see the fall of Rome, then we will rebuild it much better than it was before. I have run into some really interesting obstacles. In the process of working through them, going around them, or over them I have learned things about myself that I hate, and things about others that I hate. I have learned things about myself and others that I love. I have heard opinions that are better being blown up someone else ass and opinions that are awesome.
I find myself so angry today at a few things. I am more than tired I am exhausted, not so much physically but emotionally and mentally. I found that I juggle well but the pay to be the court jester really sucks. I have found that I am a criticizer but always with love and never in a mean way, (I only critize when I am ask to I never volunteer), and others are the same but not in the nice way, and I never ASK for that. I have found that you don't get respect with your family just because you are the most capable one, the one they run to, the one that is the fix all, fall to. I have found that I hate hypocrites with a passion and it is so hard to bite my tongue when they start in on me, but that I can indeed button it up.
So I am home for now and I will climb off my soap box, since most of my anger is spent. I ran to the store and grabbed me and my sister a Christmas hat. I am going to make the biggest effort to cheer the hell up since to date I have not felt like doing the whole Christmas thing. I will wear my hate and smile, damn it!, even if all I want to do is yawn and go back to bed. Let's all smile and fake it... at least until we really do feel like it or ... until it is over :)
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
King Laugh on Sunday and Monday.. when he come...
So yesterday and Monday (today) are turning out to be long and stressing.
I did not get home to after lunch yesterday and made a B-line for my bed. Rested but did not sleep because I did not know when I would get a call to return to Mom. I was so tired by the time A got to the hospital yesterday that I was getting snappy, and then we all got the giggles... EVERYTHING was funny!
I was supposed to get up at 6 this morning with Jay to take him to work since his truck was in the shop, but he did not wake me, for that I am more thankful than he will ever know. My Father took him. I started out for sleep at 10 last night when I had run Jami to bed. I don't remember anything after getting on bed and closing my eyes. I was out like a light for the whole night.
I got a call from T a while a go, and I am to "stay the hell away" from Mom today. The GI Doctor has been in and one of the test they are going to run tomorrow requires a system clean out to do, so she is to the utmost miserable on top of being sick, and she does not want me to see her when she is like this. I am honestly a little hurt by this but I understand. I am taking it in stride, I am cleaning my house since it when to hell while I was busy the last several days.
I was hit with the realization this morning that OMG! Christmas is in 6 days!!!!!!!! Depending on what the Dr's find tomorrow the earliest that Mom can come home will be Thursday, that is if they find fast fixable problems, if not we may be spending Christmas at the hospital. My heart is breaking...
*Sigh* ok so to get up and get busy but I wanted to add this here before I go do my busy work... I am reading Dracula by Bram Stroker again.. don't ask me why, it is on my Ereader and I got bored. Anyway at one point in the book the heros must go to a funeral and the head doctor got the giggles, and they came fast and hard. They were inappropriate and upsetting to some but there none the less. This is how the head doctor explained it and I thought it fitting and worth putting out here for me. I have added the insert below. I hope we all find a reason to allow King Laugh in, even when it is not appropriate.
"yet, even at such a moment King Laugh he come to me and shout and bellow in my ear, 'Here I am! Here I am!' till the blood come dance back and bring some of the sunshine that he carry with him to my cheek. Oh, friend John, it is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of miseries, and woes, and troubles. And yet when King Laugh come, he make them all dance to the tune he play. Bleeding hearts, and dry bones of the churchyard, and tears that burn as they fall, all dance together to the music that he make with that smileless mouth of him. And believe me, friend John, that he is good to come, and Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways. Then tears come, and like the rain on the ropes, they brace us up, until perhaps the strain become too great, and we break. But King Laugh he come like the sunshine, and he ease off the strain again, and we bear to go on with our labor, what it may be."
Stoker, Bram (1995-10-01). Dracula (p. 240). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition. Book I
I did not get home to after lunch yesterday and made a B-line for my bed. Rested but did not sleep because I did not know when I would get a call to return to Mom. I was so tired by the time A got to the hospital yesterday that I was getting snappy, and then we all got the giggles... EVERYTHING was funny!
I was supposed to get up at 6 this morning with Jay to take him to work since his truck was in the shop, but he did not wake me, for that I am more thankful than he will ever know. My Father took him. I started out for sleep at 10 last night when I had run Jami to bed. I don't remember anything after getting on bed and closing my eyes. I was out like a light for the whole night.
I got a call from T a while a go, and I am to "stay the hell away" from Mom today. The GI Doctor has been in and one of the test they are going to run tomorrow requires a system clean out to do, so she is to the utmost miserable on top of being sick, and she does not want me to see her when she is like this. I am honestly a little hurt by this but I understand. I am taking it in stride, I am cleaning my house since it when to hell while I was busy the last several days.
I was hit with the realization this morning that OMG! Christmas is in 6 days!!!!!!!! Depending on what the Dr's find tomorrow the earliest that Mom can come home will be Thursday, that is if they find fast fixable problems, if not we may be spending Christmas at the hospital. My heart is breaking...
*Sigh* ok so to get up and get busy but I wanted to add this here before I go do my busy work... I am reading Dracula by Bram Stroker again.. don't ask me why, it is on my Ereader and I got bored. Anyway at one point in the book the heros must go to a funeral and the head doctor got the giggles, and they came fast and hard. They were inappropriate and upsetting to some but there none the less. This is how the head doctor explained it and I thought it fitting and worth putting out here for me. I have added the insert below. I hope we all find a reason to allow King Laugh in, even when it is not appropriate.
"yet, even at such a moment King Laugh he come to me and shout and bellow in my ear, 'Here I am! Here I am!' till the blood come dance back and bring some of the sunshine that he carry with him to my cheek. Oh, friend John, it is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of miseries, and woes, and troubles. And yet when King Laugh come, he make them all dance to the tune he play. Bleeding hearts, and dry bones of the churchyard, and tears that burn as they fall, all dance together to the music that he make with that smileless mouth of him. And believe me, friend John, that he is good to come, and Ah, we men and women are like ropes drawn tight with strain that pull us different ways. Then tears come, and like the rain on the ropes, they brace us up, until perhaps the strain become too great, and we break. But King Laugh he come like the sunshine, and he ease off the strain again, and we bear to go on with our labor, what it may be."
Stoker, Bram (1995-10-01). Dracula (p. 240). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition. Book I
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Noticed things...
I have noticed a few things that I will list here, hoping my battery will hold out since I forgot the charger for it at home, (good job right? I was in such a rush to get out the door I just slapped the poor laptop shut and ran) but at least I have it here for a few moments. I gave T gas money to send back Mom's pillows and my cord so we will see when and if they decide to return.
The things I have noticed are:
A.) Hospitals are quiet places, and a boring place to be honestly, if you don't have some kind of entertainment, especially since Mom and I do not agree on what TV show we should watch.
B.) It takes a LONG time for a unit of blood to drip through an IV line.
C.) I take charge really well in tense situations and I am hating that honestly, I just feel like it should not be my place alone, tho, it seems I am often thrust into this role.
D.) Others are really good at giving advice when they are not looking at the exact same thing you are (IE a sleepless night or all the facts that you have.)
E.) You have to walk a million miles to the vending machines here... Ok so not a Million but.. they are on the first floor and I am on the 3rd... just UGH.
F.) A night away from home is somewhat scary, for me at least at this point in time.
G.) My father is an ass-hat. Saying that with all the love that I can but he really is. I am here in a hospital room on the 3rd floor with my Mother for the night and when my relief comes in the morning my Father goes.... "well what if I am hunting and not at home?" Wrong Answer... my short answer was "BE HOME!"
I swear I will never understand my parents. They fight worse than children and go on and on and on but let them be apart, they are freaking lost.
H.) Doctors love to side-step questions with big words... if I have a choice I will always ask a nurse. Though I will be honest here some of the nurses are not stellar as I have said in a previous blog, but I am here tonight so it will be alright or else. Also the charge nurse tonight is named Kelly and we think along the same lines.
I.) NEVER RESEARCH THINGS ON WEBMD.COM! That is unless you want to have the pants scared off of you. I have to be informed of all the what if's tho .... and so I am .... not thinking that was the best idea now.
J.) Syfy channel is not my cup of tea, really that and animal planet are what my Mother seems to love and I could care less for them. Thank god for laptops and netflix.
So, I am set for the night. I made sure to grab my pillow and my blanket from the house so I will be as comfy as I can expect to be for the night. I hope the morning sun does come up soon. I hope A or T make it here soon after sun up. I pray my mother gets well fast and can come home soon, I pray God gives the doctors the wisdom to get it figured out and fixed fast. I pray that I never have to go through something like this again. Oh God, how I pray...
*****A and Dad brought back my charger cord so I will be entertained tonight, and it only cost me 10 bucks I am rocking now*****
The things I have noticed are:
A.) Hospitals are quiet places, and a boring place to be honestly, if you don't have some kind of entertainment, especially since Mom and I do not agree on what TV show we should watch.
B.) It takes a LONG time for a unit of blood to drip through an IV line.
C.) I take charge really well in tense situations and I am hating that honestly, I just feel like it should not be my place alone, tho, it seems I am often thrust into this role.
D.) Others are really good at giving advice when they are not looking at the exact same thing you are (IE a sleepless night or all the facts that you have.)
E.) You have to walk a million miles to the vending machines here... Ok so not a Million but.. they are on the first floor and I am on the 3rd... just UGH.
F.) A night away from home is somewhat scary, for me at least at this point in time.
G.) My father is an ass-hat. Saying that with all the love that I can but he really is. I am here in a hospital room on the 3rd floor with my Mother for the night and when my relief comes in the morning my Father goes.... "well what if I am hunting and not at home?" Wrong Answer... my short answer was "BE HOME!"
I swear I will never understand my parents. They fight worse than children and go on and on and on but let them be apart, they are freaking lost.
H.) Doctors love to side-step questions with big words... if I have a choice I will always ask a nurse. Though I will be honest here some of the nurses are not stellar as I have said in a previous blog, but I am here tonight so it will be alright or else. Also the charge nurse tonight is named Kelly and we think along the same lines.
I.) NEVER RESEARCH THINGS ON WEBMD.COM! That is unless you want to have the pants scared off of you. I have to be informed of all the what if's tho .... and so I am .... not thinking that was the best idea now.
J.) Syfy channel is not my cup of tea, really that and animal planet are what my Mother seems to love and I could care less for them. Thank god for laptops and netflix.
So, I am set for the night. I made sure to grab my pillow and my blanket from the house so I will be as comfy as I can expect to be for the night. I hope the morning sun does come up soon. I hope A or T make it here soon after sun up. I pray my mother gets well fast and can come home soon, I pray God gives the doctors the wisdom to get it figured out and fixed fast. I pray that I never have to go through something like this again. Oh God, how I pray...
*****A and Dad brought back my charger cord so I will be entertained tonight, and it only cost me 10 bucks I am rocking now*****
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