Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Lead but..., Follow but..., Or... (angry blog)

Ok so it is Tuesday lets get the first biggest thing out of the way. My mother is home thank god! I am done with the back and froth to the hospital, my feet hurt, I am exhausted but thrilled that she is home and normal. I will take a day or so to relax and catch up, but I am oh so happy she is home for Christmas!
 Next my topic for today: Lead, but lead with competentce, Follow, but follow silently, or.. please, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY. 
 Simple right? Straight English, not hard to comprehend. I could handle these instructions and have on more than one occasion. So let's take it apart and see what lands where by the end of this post: 
 (1.) Lead but lead with competence.... You call me to deal with what ever it is that you can't deal with, that means to me that you can't do the leading but you think that I can... Okay I can deal with that. I have the ability to lead even if I don't always want to. I have the confidence within myself to show you how to do it and what to do and where to turn to get it done. I have the humility to ask if I am unsure and I will do my homework. I promise, as always to listen to what you have to say and to not yell if I think you are wrong. I will entertain anything  you have to say and be as fair as I know how to be. You know all this since you called me, so that brings us to:
  (2.) Follow, but follow silently. Yeah I get it not the easiest one to do. It is hard when your toes are getting stepped on to shut the heaven up. I would have problems with that but I would still breathe and not yell. I hate it when someone feels they must be the martyr in any situation and I hate it when I feel I must tell you to "get off the cross" and get on your feet. I hate that I am put in the position to have to correct you in something you should know better about. I hate when I am called to lead and then you want to fuss at how I do it even when I am getting the results that I need to get. So do us all a favor, just follow silently or 
 (3.) GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY.  Do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars, do not speak, just get out of my way. I don't mean to seem harsh, I am oh so sorry if it is so cruel to you but really get out of the way, please. If it could have been done better by someone else then you should have called them. As it is or was I did the best I could, you have no dog in this fight and I think I see "EXIT" on the stage to your left. Especially, when the situation you called me to handle is over and done with all working out fine in the end.  
 I have done a lot of thinking in the last couple months, and I have done a lot of changes as well. I will not sugar coat it and say it was all so sweet or nice. Nor will I sit here and type that I am all done and we are all peachy keen. The truth is I am just getting started and before I am done I will see the fall of Rome, then we will rebuild it  much better than it was before. I have run into some really interesting obstacles. In the process of working through them, going around them, or over them I have learned things about myself that I hate, and things about others that I hate. I have learned things about myself and others that I love. I have heard opinions that are better being blown up someone else ass and opinions that are awesome. 
 I find myself so angry today at a few things. I am more than tired I am exhausted, not so much physically but emotionally and mentally. I found that I juggle well but the pay to be the court jester really sucks. I have found that I am a criticizer but always with love and never in a mean way, (I only critize when I am ask to I never volunteer),  and others are the same but not in the nice way, and I never ASK for that. I have found that you don't get respect with your family just because you are the most capable one, the one they run to, the one that is the fix all, fall to. I have found that I hate hypocrites with a passion and it is so hard to bite my tongue when they start in on me, but that I can indeed button it up. 

 So I am home for now and I will climb off my soap box, since most of my anger is spent. I ran to the store and grabbed me and my sister a Christmas hat. I am going to make the biggest effort to cheer the hell up since to  date I have not felt like doing the whole Christmas thing. I will wear my hate and smile, damn it!, even if all I want to do is yawn and go back to bed. Let's all smile and fake it... at least until we really do feel like it or ... until it is over :) 

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