Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Amazing yet.. disgusting... and heartbreaking...

Let's be frank here... being pregnant is amazing yet at the same time it brings some disgusting things with it.
 You grow a baby inside of you and that is just WOW! but then you get sick and in my case throw up every night for the first few months.           
   You begin to feel the first flutters of movement and you hold your breathe from one time till the next just to feel that flutter... but you also lose your figure, your clothes no longer fit. At first you get, from people that know you well (hopefully) fat comments, then it suddenly becomes "when is the baby due?" and that thrills your heart to no end.
 Your emotions go hay wire from I'm so happy one minute, to I am just going to sit and cry over NOTHING the next. Then you worry even when you should not, even when you say to yourself you will not. The thing is I can protect and prevent a lot of bad things for my children that are here already but there is not to much I can do if something goes wrong with the one that I am trying to get here... and that in and of itself can be nerve racking.
 Ok so we are moving along with this baby and I am not expecting any big problems, I just can't wait for him/her to get here so we can all hold him/her.

 On to another heartbreaking note.... My sister of the heart's father is dying. We have known for months now that he was sick, lung cancer and so forth. We tell ourselves we are ready, and that when the time comes we can be strong and brave. We indeed may manage that to a degree but still our hearts argue the why of it all (at least mine does). I grew up with this man, I have known him since I was 6 yrs old... and my heart is breaking for my sister .... there are no sage words, and no comfort when the death watch, wait game comes knocking. We get to the point we stop praying "God make them all better keep them with us" and we go to "God, grant them peace." We move on to "God comfort the family." We may not find acceptance in our hearts right away but we stop raging against nature and what must eventually be. 
 So that is where we are .... I am waiting for the call and praying for closure for the family.