Sunday, February 26, 2012

Annoyed Sunday

The best laid plans of mice and men... is it me or do they always fall to the way side with such easy? 
 Ok so we had a plan, or at least I did, Jay got the paint I needed but not the color I wanted for the kitchen. "WE" were supposed to sand and paint the kitchen..... that did not happen, what did happen was I sanded and painted the kitchen alone. Our ceilings are way over head it would have been nice to have some help on the HIGH parts since, HELLO I am not even 5 ft tall!.... Instead he decided to go out back and dig a big arse hole... I ended up climbing a ladder and on top of the counter top space to get every spot done. That I think I could and would have dealt with fine but in our yard you have about 18 inches of top soil then you hit sticky, thick, hard, just freaking nasty red clay. This is bullet proof dirt I swear! It sticks to everything! Leave it to the testosterone heavy men and boys that live with me to track in through the whole house! I am fuming.... I just finished white, white, white BLARING White walls in my kitchen... I am now wondering how long it will be before I get a nice little dirt hand print on it.
 So, I am cranky with Jay and with myself. On a personal note it makes no sense to me why I am so sore and wiped out. I am not out of shape and it is not that hard to paint, but I swear I am so tired at this point I am trembling. I am done with as much as I can do for this day and it pisses me of since I am not done with all I wanted to get done... I am angry because I know tomorrow will be a nightmare with pain and aches. I am angry that it did not have to be this way, I should never have had to do this alone but this is the way it is. I have found that it is easier to do it myself and deal with the personal fall out, than to pick a big fight and have help that resents the hell out of me. I am angry that I am falling into an old habit of putting on a "game face" and not showing how I really feel. I will admit it is easier to smile and nod in all the right places, much easier, than to expose all that is really here on how I feel. I am angry that the memories I lost have not come back, and that I still get hit with lows even after 4 months. I am angry that I can't sleep at night and end up walking the floors no matter how tired I am, or if I do get to sleep I never feel rested I wake just as tired as when I lay my head down. Damn, I am just angry today... 
 I had better drag myself to a shower and lay down for a bit before I fall down.