Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Ouch my head

Been a while since I posted, things are better in the stress area, not the insomnia but given time all things will work out I am sure.
 I got hit with a migraine Tuesday and it has had me bed bound in a dark room for 2 days. I feel guilty since I have not been able to do anything but the bare necessities to keep us going. Jay told me yesterday at lunch when it got bad to refill my migraine medicine so I called that in, by 3 today the pharmacy had not heard from my doctor. I was not complaining but being patient, Jay however is terrified that if I get to much pain I will lose my memories again. From my homework I know that is it way more likely for me to have it happen again than for any one else to ever have it happen, that however does not scare me since the worse that can happen is I have to relive the last few months. I went back to my happiest time in life *shrugs* I don't know but I am just not as scared. Jay knows me so well now that he when he does ask how I feel he can tell when I lie, which I do often, no, NOT proud of that but when you hurt a lot there is no point in complaining. He says he can tell just by the tone I use to answer even innocent questions... I do love this man. So, long story short he called the doctors office. On a good note they got my meds called in with in 30 minutes on a bad note they informed him he needs to come in with me and sign a release form to make medical decision and have information released to him. So I will take care of that tomorrow along with a few other chores that I could not handle earlier this week. I can fully understand a doctor's office taking 24 hours to review refills but more than that I wonder, especially since this is the second time this has happened. Worry for another day, since right now  I am medicated and Jay was POLITE, and really, come on, it does feel great to have him be protective over me!
 I am not in a bad place and that is nice. I am medicated but I do not have the medicated head that comes with heavy drugs. For the first time in a long time since I have woke up I do not hurt! at all, my fibromyalgia is not acting up and I bet it is the medication I take for my headache, this is nice.
 So I am going over the 4000000 movies of nothing I want to watch and nothing boring enough to put me out, then I thought, let's just blog to pust it out of my head. I was going over some of my Alice blogs, I love them but I find it hard to believe that I wrote them. I want to do another one but I am afraid that it will not be as good as the others, or will not tie in the same way or .... I am just scared that I will not be able to connect to that again... I guess I will have to try and find out. Then I will get feedback from my sister of the heart, and my stalker *grins*.
 I was thinking not everyone gets to take the mistakes they made over the span of a decade and a half, just erase them to start over for themselves. I did get that chance, I am not sure if I will make the same mistakes or all new ones. I am not sure what 15 years from now will find me as or doing or anything, but in the dark of night, for the first time in a long time I am ok with that. I know this is not the be all end all "wow" so to speak, I will have bad days, I will get stressed out, I will think "WTF?!?!" but at least for now I do not feel as daunted as I have in the past.....

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