So you come to the point in your life that you have to let go of things, people, the past. A point when you can't pretend any more, a spot where you have to figure out what you need for you in order to move on. I have decided that there is never a right time to say goodbye to a person you love dearly but that you should do it before they start hating you. You should do it before you say things to hurt them.
I know that this is not that person's fault but it is mine, I accept that, but that does not change the fact that for a week now this has needed to be done and I have put it off. There is never a right time. I am not the one to make snap decisions and after going over it all for a week, I have decided that I have to do this.
I am not who I was I accept that, they are not who I remember, I accept that too, but I hate the person they have become. I can't understand or deal with them the way they are now. So proud, self-centered, unbending, unable to see outside the box they are in, unsympathetic, with no empathy. I can't deal with that kind of person in my life right now, and tho I love them to death, I always will no matter what, it is better to say goodbye now than to have them hate me for what I have and am becoming.
It is hard to make this decision. I have spent many nights crying over it. I still feel that this is the best step for me since I can't ignore or overlook it any longer. I have been told since I woke up to start taking care of myself and looking out for myself, I guess that starts with removing all turmoil from my life and trying to find a new balance with what I have now.
I always thought friends were supposed to build you up even if they disagree with you. I always thought friends were supposed to love you and support you even when they would rather scream at you. I am that kind of friend..... I forgive shortcomings in others and if I need to point them out I do it in a way that is not making them feel like I kicked them below the belt... that is what I thought friends do. I think that you can be honest, and have to be honest with the friends you love, in a way that is supportive and comforting. Is it any less the truth when you say it in a loving, tactful way? NO. But the words you use have an impact on how it is received and they have an emotional impact if you use the wrong words or use the words in the wrong way.
Right now I am hurting over a love that I have grown apart from, a love that does not understand or does not want to understand me any more. A love that I can't understand any more... I hope the old adage that time heals all will work quickly for me. For the love I must step back from I am sorry, it is not you, it is me... you can't give me what I need and I have to figure out what I need before I can ask for it. What you do give me is confusion and heartache. I have had enough of that in the last 3 months that I can't deal with any more. I love you and I always will but for now this must be goodbye............