So, I got hit with some pretty deep depression. I am the kind of person, after having grown up with several bi-polar members in the house, I refuse to take anything that will alter my mood or mental state. IE I will not take anti-depressants. When I got really low and scared I reached out to one of the few friends that I have not cut out of my life since I woke up in October. Needless to say I did not find what I needed with this person. (Not a slap at this person just they could not give me the kind of support I need.)
I got hit with a new kind of migraine Monday morning, an Optical Migraine, which took away my ability to see. I did the whole neurologist thing again my brain is fine still, got treatment and got my sight back thank god. I was not scared when I lost my vision, I was calm which amazed me. Now that I can see again, I started seeing things in a new light and I started seeing a therapist.
I have now learned that I have to let go of the past, more over the parts and people that I remember. That for me, after everything, is hard. The people I remember are not the same. I am not the same. I went to the ones that I knew from before, the ones that I love dearly and was shocked at the responses. I have learned that I have lost the changes from experience personally they have not. I am left with the choice to let them go or to relearn who they are now. This includes my husband, siblings, and friends.
I am more relaxed and centered today than I have been in months and that is a nice thing. I do not know what the future brings. I do not know if the ones who are in my life will stay or if they will go but .... Today I am ok with that.