Monday, February 27, 2012

"Please help me understand......" NOT kid friendly

So, I was on it last night and I am still on it today. I worked hard and got no help... I have come to expect that in the last 4 months. I love Jay dearly but he is not constructive criticizer. I would have to say he is more just rude and that does not help my self-esteem at all.
 Which has lead me to this "Please help me understand why you can't talk man to man? but you can stand with you dick in your hand, your acting like a pussy man!" It fits weirdly enough. He is my love, my husband, but not what I would call my best friend. I talk person to person with my best friends. We don't have to hide things or faces or sides, we are just who we are... I think we should have that in our marriages but sadly that does not happen often. You put aside a lot for love and over look more for love. I know that it is this way since we don't live with our best friends so we can afford to be who we are... but if you live with some one then it all changes.
  With Jay sometimes I want to scream at him to stop being a pussy and hurting my feelings just to shut me .... Oh yeah I caught on to that last night the only reason he says the things he says they way he says the is to hurt me and shut me up.  Does it work? Yeah sadly enough. It works that way because I feel like I have done nothing but fight with him and the way things are since I woke up and I am tried of fighting. I am tired of the children seeing me spaz out over the way things are since to them this is the way it has always been. Will we be having another come to Jesus, call to the carpet meeting soon? yes .... will it change things? Sure for a hot minute or two. Will it be enough? Yes, for a minute or two :) I can live with that... 
   I just really wish sometimes he would Please help me understand.... I am not in a bad mood, I am not stressed for once, I am not to tired, I am achy a little but not to bad.. I am not in a bad place at all. :)