Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Monster I've Become....

When I first woke up and looked around I swear I felt like a monster. I looked at my life, oh boy did I have an outsider view, and with in a month I was in destruction mode. I could not believe how thing were and how I had allowed them to be that way. 
 I took a good look at myself and I was so different inside, I did not recognize myself ..... In the last month I have decided that there are things, no matter how hard I try or what I destroy they will not change, and all I am doing is hurting the ones that love me. I think I need a little mercy and to step back, to take another look at this. 
 I'm not invincible, and I'm not indestructible, I am trying to hard since I want it all done NOW! I have to stop and remember to breathe.
So here we go I will change what I can in a gentle way, I will accept that I am only human, this is a process, and even tho I have changed overnight, everyone that I love did not. I must accept that I am different and a monster but that is ok, it's not over, and if my loves view me as a monster then it is only the monster they have made me. 
 I am finally at a point where I can ask for forgiveness for the damage that I have done in the last 4 months and to beg for mercy since I am not done yet. I am at a point where I can look to the end of the tunnel and see light, hope, a new tomorrow... This is not a bad point to be at. Who I am is not who I used to be and tonight I would not have me any other way.