Saturday, October 29, 2011

Day 4 ... here we go....

Day 4 in my new life, as it were.
 I woke today feeling more grounded for lack of a better term. I still don't remember but it is only 9 am so I am not overwhelmed yet. I am learning more everyday from friends and family. I wish I could say I was not still confused on somethings but that would be a lie, this me, the now me is refusing to lie. 
 I learned that I was my father in law's full time care giver, and that he died at home me, that we were alone because Jay and Barbara were out. I learned that I was very very close to this man. It saddens me that I don't remember part of this, I mean I remember Jay's father but not him dying. 
 I remember moving to Tallahassee because Jay's mother was not thrilled with Jay and I. I remember Jay's ex wife being a major stress through all of Jay and I dating (I remember us dating and so forth) but Jay told me today that at his father's viewing the ex threw a public fit. Jay tells me that after the funeral I gave him a choice: the kids and I or that drama...... Jay said we hear from the ex's son every now and again but other wise there has been no real contact between us and her since then. That frankly was a relief, in as much as, I don't have that stress anymore in my life. 
 I am not dwelling on what I don't have right now. I am trying to move forward with what I do have. I know that I can't replace the years that were lost, and they may never come back, I am getting to the point that, it really is okay come the morning light today. 
 So this starts day 4, I have found if I get overwhelmed and write it is a bit better so I may do more today or since it is Saturday and Jay is home all day I may not. Feel free not to read all of them for I am sure some of them make no sense. I also think that this is where I come to whine because from what I have seen I do not whine much out loud... go figure.

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