Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sunday Shows... Exhaustion, Frustration, and...

So Sunday showed more than stable vital signs, it shows there is still a problem but since I was there to talk to the doctor today we will know *I pray* by some time tomorrow we will know what the heaven is wrong. They are calling in a GI Doctor.. have to do some test, and go from there.
 I was tired when I left Tallahassee, but every mile I got closer to my house the more tired I became. I had to stop a mile from my drive way just to reel it all it. Would not do to let the kids see how upset I was. I am frustrated that the doctors, though I am sure they are doing the best they can, are not doing enough fast enough in my opinion. I am frustrated that I have had to stay on top of the nurses. I am frustrated in myself that I HAD to come home, I could not think straight and I was getting snappy with everyone. I am frustrated that I am not stronger but I know that I must come rest to be strong when or if the time comes that I really need to be strong. I am ANGRY that we are almost a week in and still have no conclusive answers. I am exhausted since I have had maybe 5 hours of sleep in the last 72 hours. I am .... so very, very, very scared... we seem to go one step forward and 3 steps back and not a one of the educated people that are with my mother can tell me the answer to the dread question WHY?!?!?! I am scared that the test they run tomorrow will show something worse than I can deal with, or they will show nothing at all and we will be at another dead in.
 Now that I am through whining, I am going to now go and take a HOT shower and find my bed for what I hope will be a few hours of down time since I have no idea when I will have to fly back to the hospital. *sigh* 

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