I woke today with a nagging headache, and in an almost panic since nightmares were chasing me in my dreams again. They seem so real and the fear that cause just roars at me. The second my eyes open tho they fracture and drift away in pieces. I was in and out of sleep all night. At one point my 6 year gets up, walks through my room and out the back door! He must sleep walk, I ask Jay but Jay sleeps so heavily that he would not know. So today I will venture out and get a chain for my back door.
Yesterday was a very busy day for me. We got alot of my list knocked out. Jay built me a new shelf and moved my TV closer to my bed so that I can play my game. I now don't have to worry about getting bumped or having a child trip on the cord. I had the PS3 go wireless, which is oh so nice! The last detail was he did not run the cable to the cable box but I have internet so Netflix will cover me for now.
He also managed to fix the dryer which had died on us last week but I told him I want to keep the clothes lines up for now for the heavy things, let's see if we can bring the light bill down some.
I have a good bit of things to do today. I am going to pace myself to try to get as many done as I can. At least now I have an escape for if I get overwhelmed at lunch time. I have been playing Final Fantasy 10 and I LOVE THIS GAME! **thanks A**
Tomorrow makes the 2 week mark, I had hoped that my memories would come back. Since I am still in the dark, we it were, I think it is time to move forward step by step. If they never come back then we will start anew, and today that does not scare me as much as it did. Jonah got on bed with me early this morning and ask "Mom you better now?" I responded with "yes" and he then ask "did your memories come back Mommy?" I had to say no but then I cover that with "but it is ok baby because I love you to pieces anyway even without memories". "MOM! How you know you love me if you don't remember?!" I had to smile. Love, Fear, Hate, Anger are all emotions and do not need memory to have them... I explained that as best I could to my little man. To which he replies "well Ok, but you better always remember you love me the bestest!" to precious! It is nice to start the day with a smile.
Ok so off to start this day, by the crow of the rooster. What a Monday it shall be!