Day 7 finds me ... in an odd place. It has been a full week since I have woke up to my life as it is, I hope I am coping well. I got an email from a name on my contact list that I do not remember but Jay filled me in on the details of that. She is my pastor's wife and we were close. She has 2 boys that are the same age as my boys. I guess I need to call her or email her. I am thinking that email will be the safest for me right now. It was strange, I know from my sent folder in my mail box that she and I talked alot, but I don't remember. Jay encouraged me to email her back so after I do this blog entry I may.
We made it through a full school day yesterday, and got some of the other chores done that I wanted to get done. I however was doing laundry and almost lost it. This is the sad part, I don't know who's clothes belong to whom... I don't even know my own clothes, and the more I folded the more frustrated I became. I had to finally leave it for Jami to come help me with, the next couple loads I folded I just placed in several piles for the others in the house to help me sort out.
Jesse, the quiet one that I have not fussed at in a week, showed some anger yesterday at what has happened. On the one hand it breaks my heart to have hurt him this way, on the other I did not do it on purpose and I am relieved that he is letting it out. I know from personal experience not to hold it in.
Jay says that he is finding the personality change in me to be interesting but not in a bad way. The kids tell me that I was very easy going before but now I have no tolerance for them acting out. As Jami puts it: "you are not the hello kitty Mommy that you were before." I don't guess this would be a total bad thing. I mean I must have done okay because they are well mannered children but I also must have put up with a LOT on a personal level and with in the few days that has come to a screeching halt. I do not feel the urge to "spank" them or to hit them but I am quick to cut off any rants they have. The kids and I have spoke alot in the last couple days and we are finding balance with this. I think I am finally finding balance within myself.
I know that this road is long and winding, I know that I am not done with this journey, but I think I have also learned again that I CAN DO THIS! It is not the end of the world just a new beginning for me.