Monday, November 28, 2011


I woke to the phone ringing and ringing. It is dreary, overcast, damp and just plan UGH outside.
 After another .... something not even  sure what to call it, Jay go the dryer fixed, today I am playing catch up on laundry. Plus it is Monday and we have a good bit of school work today. I wish the phone had not rang so that I could have stayed sleeping. 
 My wireless router is being a brat, it will drop signal when ever it wants to. Plus it will not allow Jami's DSi to connect at all... I see Santa bringing me a new one for Christmas. EWWWWWwww that is another thing.. Christmas! I have no idea what to get them or what they like or nothing. I will have to rely on Jay I guess. 
 I ask Jay last night if he ever thought of leaving me, and taking the kids with him, he says no but from a personal stand point I sometimes wish I had a place to run to. Jay makes statements that are just so freaking cruel to me, he says honestly I say flippant. Like I ran the kids out of my room around 5 yesterday, and I told Jay let's keep them out. His reply was "I can't be that cruel" I was baffled frankly, because it is not cruel to make them stay out of my room for a I had to ask "Why not?" I probably should have just hushed... his instant response was "Because unlike you I remember them being born".  I took a deep breathe, looked at him in the eyes and "That finished us for the night thank you, Please don't talk to me anymore" then did what all real women do, I went outside to cry. 
 I would give anything to remember, anything! All the wishing and praying in the world has not worked yet, and I am not holding out hope that it will. I hate when he speaks and does not think first of how it will sound, how the words he used will make me feel. You can't take them back once they are out of your mouth. I try hard to remember to breathe, and think before I put it out there.... I try. 
 Ok so on a different noted, I don't know if it is the weather change or being around sick nieces and nephews but I feel like crud. My throat hurts and my sinus' are having a fit on me. This is just what I needed, a cold, Yay me! Oh, and, Jami managed to go a whole 2 days with her DSi before she screwed up. I ask her to do something yesterday, then like 5 minutes later I called her for something else, she walked into my room and raised her voice to me "What do you want NOW Mother? I dropped my stylisus (pen thing for the DSi) in the bathroom and I have to FIND IT first!" So the "Mother" took a deep breathe and informed the now "Teenage" child that she should not have taken it to the bathroom but she could now bring it to me since she was grounded for raising her voice to me. I kept it till late yesterday afternoon. I don't know if it will impact her attitude or reactions but at least I did not yell at her. I know that she is going through a stage and that this too shall pass, long as I do not kill her first. 
 Here's to Monday, I will now get up and get it started. 

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