Monday, November 14, 2011


So after a long day with chores and children, Jay gets home early and says "make a list I will go grocery shopping". He has done all our shopping since I woke up. Well tonight I make a list and he gets phone call after phone call and the computer is more important than I am. So finally he tells me "stop being a bitch and make the list, go yourself". Okay, Fine.... by then I am angry and tired. I inform him that I would go but there was no need to hurt my feelings. 
 I guess I can drive the van perfectly, especially when pissed off. I made it to the store and through shopping. I ran into a fellow church member and that was not pleasant. I am tired of being confused, I am tired of nothing making sense. I am tired of doing things that feel right then getting questioned about why I did this or that.. for instance, I was mad a Jay when I left the house so on the way out of the store I thought "hey let's grab him a candy bar and make up" so I grabbed a Payday. I had no idea why I got that one over say a chocolate one but that was the one that stood out. So I get home and get 20 questions on "do you remember?" blah blah blah... umm No I don't, but tonight I wish to heaven I did!
 I am also tired as hell that I do not have a bedroom, I have a den that I sleep in, not a sanctuary to run to but a freaking living room. I hate it with all that is in me to hate! I have begged and pleaded and urged and begged some more to no avail...I may end up moving my bed to the living room since no on is in there ever anyway! It is totally an aaawww fuck me night I think. 
 So, now to do dinner and head to bed I think, just as soon as I run the kids out for the night. 

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