Friday, November 11, 2011

Friday Rules:

It's Friday, and with it comes a new set of rules... 
 (A) Friday Rules! because it is Friday and the end of the week and I get kid free time and and and
 (B) We have all the chores done and are ready to rock this day before 10am.
 (C) The weekend is almost here and I am looking forward to it.

 I did nothing yesterday, I laid in bed played my game and did NOTHING. I think I needed that. I feel much more lucid today and until you have dealt with a couple of foggy days you have no idea how nice it is to be clear. I slept in late today, Jay tried to wake me but after being chased by dreams again, I refused to move at 7am.
 I have a puzzle that is in a bag unopened. I looked around the house and I see a ton of framed puzzles, at my Mother's there are at least 10 different framed wolf puzzles. Jay said I have given her new ones every year for Christmas. I guess I love them, so that is what I am going to work on today while the kids are away. 
 I was working on my game but I am stuck at a large boss fight and it is all but impossible to play this game with Jesse home, I love him and he tries so hard to help but ... yeah.. No. *smile*.
 So I have to take the kids to my mother in law today, I know where she lives (Jay drove me past there) but I have not been inside since I have woke up. I have to defrag her computer.. what is it with old people and computers now? I learned my Grandmother has one, and what's more she emails me ... just WOW is all I can say I guess.
 When I met the pastor of my church he said that it is our spirit that brings to remembrance all the things we have heard or learned about Christ and the bible. This rings with truth, for me at least, since I can not recall by myself anything I have learned from church in the last 3 years but when I am most in need of comfort the Bible versus that means most to the situation at hand comes to mind. Or maybe it is all in there and it comes out when it is most needed... either way it is confirmed with me when I get things like this: "Proverbs 13:10 Arrogance causes nothing but trouble. It is wiser to ask for advice."  Since I know I have been asking, begging, and bugging the ever loving out of my loved ones for advice. I know that I woke up different, the same me but different, and I would not ever want to seem arrogant .... I will keep asking then.  I will not say that I sold out to religion, or church or whatever, I will say however, that it is comforting for me to have these versus that come to mind. I know that my friends (since they all have told me this) felt... jealous as it was. I was going somewhere with this and they were not there with me, and could not be there with me since it did not mean as much to them as it did to me. For that I am sorry, but I love them all and they will always be my candle light in the darkest hours... I can, today at last, see why and how my church and God played so big into my life. I can now feel something missing. I am now making plans to return to church soon, since I am physically on the mend. I will not promise to be less involved in religion than I was in the past, but I will and do PROMISE this: I will never forget my friends, I will always LOVE you with all that is in my heart, I will never be at a place that I can't come for you if you need me. Read these words, and understand, accept and be happy, I will NEVER leave you behind! NEVER!
 I wish I could type that I got this, no problem, and let's move on, but the truth of the matter is I am still going day by day. Everyday is a new challenge that I have to face. I can honestly say that I am now able to go day by day instead of minute by minute or hour by hour. That in and of itself is a great thing. I have climbed off my cross, and taken the wood to build the bridge into the future... though the bridge is not finished, not by a long shot, I can say with a smile this morning that it is started and it is solid. When this bridge is done it will be so stable, built with love, endurance, hard work, patience, tears, some heartache, and.............. a really big fucking hammer... *smile*...
Here we go to start the weekend...

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