The end of day 9...

Has found me wondering WTH?!?!
 Had a normal, at least normal as far as the last week goes, day with the children. I had to do some make shift clothes lines because the dryer is dead. Jay promised to look at it come Saturday so I guess I really did not need to do laundry anyway, we have clean clothes for tomorrow so I am going to let that one go. 
 The kids had band practice and Jay decided I needed to go with him because he was taking them. Not a good idea. I know that I can't stay in hiding forever but I did not feel up to it and could not get out of it. So I went, after almost having a panic attack because all of my clothes are to big now (so not going there tonight), and I got to meet the kids teachers as well as the Pastor of the Church. 
 Pastor John tells me not to beat up on myself because most people don't remember half of what he says, I was kind of like .."well, ok I don't remember anything you have said so that makes me special". This pastor is very relaxed, he came to the church wearing pajama pants, a tee shirt, and crocks (*blinks* when did men start wearing those?). He seems grounded enough, Jay think's he is ok, and I must have too. Jay showed me my classroom, he said I did the paint and remodel with shelves and made sure we had heaters for it last year that were electric and NOT gas. As we were walking out the door I reached without looking and locked it, as if I had done it a hundred thousand times, Jay ask "how did you know to do that?" I did not know, as it were, it was a habit that I must have kept.... I guess that proves that somethings are still in there somewhere. I spent the better part of today tracking down a radio that I could see in my mind, one of those CD/Radio/Cassette combo's. It was a crystal clear picture but it was no where in the house. We found it in my classroom. This gives me hope, which I was lacking the last few days, that maybe the memories will come back with time.
 So tonight finds me tired, and hurting, since it is fixing to rain. I am trying not to be angry at Jay for insisting that I go with him tonight but I am not sure how I am feeling honestly. It would seem the more I learn the less I really know, or at the very least, the more I learn the more I still need to learn.