Tuesday, November 29, 2011

So it begins...

Tuesday. I am trying to think of something positive I want to say about today and I am drawing a blank.
 I have gotten a lot of what Jay calls the "must see" movies some of which I like a lot some of which I wish I had not watched at all. Jay tells me I loved gore and violence but *shakes head* I can't seem to stand it now. I watched Resident Evil parts 1 and 2 last night. Since we don't run the kids out till late I did not start it till late, so it did not finish till late, and this was a mistake. Like I needed any fuel added to my nightmares. What horrible images to have in your head! Just nasty! I spent most of the night walking the floor. I don't know, maybe I had become immune to seeing such things, maybe they did not bother me a month or so ago, but they really did last night. So, new rule no more horror movies at night, which will mean no more ever pretty much since the kids are always in here. Sunday night I watched the "Tyler Perry" Madea movies and those were nice, a decent blend of drama and comedy with a happy ending.. that is a kind of movie I can deal with. 
 I started getting sick Sunday but I guess I was not aware of it, yesterday was the whole coughing, fever, sinus issues. Today is pretty much the same and I feel horrible. I was around the kids Thanksgiving, and 4 of the 10 were sick, one of that four sat on the couch and cuddled with me for over an hour. I loved cuddling with her, since she is just so freaking enchanting and cute, but I feel like my immune system is shot. 
 I also have been dealing with a feeling of abandonment, which I know makes no sense. Jay was super sweet caring, supportive, so on and so forth at first but now.... We had a horrible argument Friday afternoon and we made a gulf between us. With him being a man, I have my doubts that he will even notice, but I do know and I hate this feeling. He does not call me like he used to, he does not wake me in the mornings anymore, he does not want to hold me. I ask him if he was angry at me or just did not love me anymore, his reply was I am busy, I love you a lot but I am to busy right now. Well, Ok but what about when you come in and get right on your computer ... what then? I have all the words in me I could say to him but last time I tried I felt like I was wasting my breathe, and time so ... *sniffles* I think all things are much worse when you are sick.  
 So today holds more catch up on the laundry, school work, and hopefully some more rest. I walked the floor till after 4 am and I have to take something for this dang running nose, sore throat issue. I am just ill today. 

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